This has been bugging me

hi, i just need to get this off my back, so heres my story. i am a skateboarder, i have a pretty good life from what everyone knows about me, but thats not actually true. im that happy kid that almost everyone likes, they go to when they’re sad, they go to when they need inspiration, etc. thing they dont know is how unhappy i actually am, its not the cut myself unhappy, im too much of a pansy to even think about hurting myself, i cringe at the thought of a cut from a razorblade, fuck that. thing is, i hate what i am, all of the events that have happened in my life, and what i fear is going to happen in my life. back when i was little i was aware of this too, of how my life would soon total to nothing. i used to live in minnesota, lived there for 15 years, just when i started maturing and finally gaining everything i seeked, it was forcefully ripped from me and i found out i was moving to nebraska. nebraska. what the hell. i’ve lived here for a good year and a half now, i’ve made a bunch of friends because thats just the guy i am, im an adventurous outgoing guy. but i still cant believe how much i hate this god awful state. maybe it isnt the state. maybe its what happened to me. but i dont care, i cant stand the thought of going through it again, but i was recently told that i was moving to georgia. thats where i think it is going to go down. i’ve been unhappy for so long, here are the reasons. my biggest reason, is my fear of the future, i do ok in school a’s b’s some c’s, but i cant see myself doing anything to get me remembered in the future. i cant see anybody living a good life, and heres the second reason, this generation is the stupidest fucking generation, i dont know how the world will survive. people typing like they’re morons these days. it makes me angry. i’d go into detail about that but its a very stupid thing to think about. not eventful at all. heres some more reasons, i am not going to keep moving around and losing all of the bonds i have made, i dont want to grow old and have no friends that i can count on. i used to have a dream of my future, i wanted to own a skateboard shop somewhere, i know i wont make it that far though. thing is, i just cant stand this generation, im unhappy and unstable, i can control myself in front of everyone because i know i can count on myself, the reason i havent killed myself yet is because i havent summoned the courage to do it knowing all of my friends would see that, it would be selfish, i know how im gonna do it and when. a gun will be the easiest, and i have access to my dads pistol, and know how to use it. i figure im just gonna do it into a box though, it must suck being the clean up guys for that shit. but yeah, im getting off topic. i just want to know if somebody could ever feel the same way i do. smile on the outside, dissapointed in yourself and others, basically everything and everyone on the inside. i am set to move to georgia in three months. thats when ill do it. but until then i guess i’ll try and live my life to the fullest. all i can say is this is going to suck. and i dont want to do it, but i cant see myself  doing anything but being dead in the future, now, i am an atheist, dont believe in heaven or hell, however im more agnostic thinking i will go somewhere happy when i die. i just hope thats true. cause if its not, hell is gonna blow. i have a lot more to say, but its all just my stupid thoughts on the world crumbling and what not. i just hope someone understands. and if you have read this far, thanks for hearing me out. you’re a good person