I’m sick and tired of putting on an act every day of my worthless life.. to my friends and family I am just a happy 20 year old guy.. inside im fucking dying, i can’t find any good in this world no matter how hard I try and I certainly wouldn’t dare express my opinions of this messed up world to my friends or family, as it would be alien.
Im living a lie and cheat myself time and time again, have fuck all motivation….I feel a hatred that nobody knows I feel… everything and everyone seems to get on my nerves. I want to leave soon and have no regrets about it.
5 comments
It is okay to be angry about having to pretend all the time. You are not the only one who finds it easier to do so than to show people how you really feel.
I know how painful it is to smile when on the inside you just want to scream.
Take it from me, I get good grades in school, I smile and joke when I am with my family. Everybody comes to me when they need help, and I do so because I have a problem with saying “no”. But none of them ever notice when I feel like I am drowning, and then their “advice” when they do notice I have issues is more aggravating than helpful.
However, as much as life seems worthless and pointless and you think that nobody cares about you, I hope you see that I care about you, otherwise I would not have bothered even responding.
And since I, a complete stranger, can care about you, I think that it is safe to say that your friends and family do too. I think that before you leave, you should consider how your actions might affect those who care about you.
I lost someone that I loved very much to suicide, and in turn, it has left me suicidal and struggling to breathe every minute of my life.
Suicide does not end pain, it passes it on to someone else.
Please consider at least that before you make your decision.
I know things are rough… and I know what the darkness feels like… It can be painful to have a world inside you that is painfully private… that nobody knows. I understand that… Been there, done that. What I can tell you is that things do get better. It will take some work on your part… but you can see the light. If you want to talk, you’ll find a lot of people here willing to listen
I appreciate both your replies.
”It can be painful to have a world inside you that is painfully private… that nobody knows” is spot on.. very spot on.
However its time to live in a world of non-existence very soon. A lot of peole do care about me and a lot of people will find it hard to get over it, but what you both must realize is that nothing lasts forever, as much as people would hurt, they will also pass on in time.. life must come to an end anyway and we should all have a choice.. we should all have a right to call it a day.
I understand your premise, alautox. Absolutely. Nothing lasts forever… Add an element of free will to the mix and we can often determine the schedule for how long something does last. But sometimes time can be a friend. Yes… I’ve experienced the horrible aspect of time… where every moment is a living hell. I continue to struggle. Time can also be an asset. It allows you an opportunity to assess where things are, tweak your path, and try something new. The entirety of your existence does not have to entail suffering… and you shouldn’t have to end your existence to avoid suffering. I just don’t want you to give up prematurely. There is hope.
But that’s the same for everybody but they use their imagination when making their lives seem interesting and important.