why?

I know exactly how you feel, sweetheart. I’ve been there, too. It’s a horrible feeling to be so sad and feel so broken when you know there is nothing to be sad or broken about. Still, you are. And that’s what’s important. No one can understand except someone else with the same issues.

It sounds like you might have BPD, but don’t pay attention too much to the label and what the internet says about it. They paint us as monsters, but it’s because other people don’t understand. They’re confused and hurt and act out. We are not monsters. We are just in pain. We just want the pain to stop.

Get this book: THE BUDDHA AND THE BORDERLINE
Look into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It’s the only thing that helps.

I know exactly what you mean about your fiance making you happy. My husband makes me very happy. He’s an amazing and patient man. I’m sure your fiance is, too. He feels helpless and he loves you.

But that happiness doesn’t fill the engulfing void within. It doesn’t stop the psychological torment. I get it. I really do.

It’s about taking control of our behavior and thoughts. It’s really fucking hard to do, and it’s something you must do time after time. Moment after moment, but it starts to get better when you work at it.

Peace.