My name is Dalton. I used to feel like I was dying a little more each and every day. I don’t feel like that anymore, because I’m pretty sure I am already dead. On September 21, 2011, I got tired of trying to be happy and worrying about it all the time. I left work early without saying anything to anyone. I got about a mile from where I worked at the time when I saw an 18 wheeler coming towards me in the other lane. I knew that that was it. I took my seat belt off and jerked the wheel towards the oncoming lane. Idk how or why, but I made it. Sitting in the hospital for the next 5 days gave me a lot of time to think. I told myself, “It can only get better from here. It can’t get any worse.” But as soon as I was released from the hospital back into reality, that unbearable feeling of sadness and despair came crashing down on me again like it had never left, nor intended to leave. I went to the Behavioral Health Center in my town for 8 days and attended an outpatient program for roughly 2 months. But I still feel the EXACT same as I did the day I tried to kill myself. I just don’t see it getting any better. I’m just tired…
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Only if you want it too and try to make it better. I’m a lot happier than I was 2 years ago. I stopped doing the things that made me unhappy, embraced the thing I could not change, lost 5 pounds, and make sure I have things to look forwards too. Remember when you’re sad that “this too shall pass†and don’t sweat the small stuff or you’ll drown! Maybe you need to find something to live for. Recently a girl who was deathly anorexic overcame her sickness by adopting an anorexic cat. The cat was so thin she thought it was a kitten. As she healed the cat, she healed herself and now she will live contrary to what the doctors presumed. Find something to keep you going. NOW… I completely understand where you are coming from. Obviously you are in so much pain. To have the courage to end it proves you truly desire to stop living (unlike half the people here). If you are tired, truly tired, then do something about it. If you absolutely can’t find something to live for then talk to someone and if they can’t help you then do your research. There are many ways to die, natural or unnatural. We die slowly every day, if you want to speed up the process then pick your method and go for it. All I ask is that you leave this would without responsibility. Make sure your loans are cleared; you have no children, no debts…
man, first of all what if you had killed that truck driver. i know thats not the point but i hear you, since i was 14, i have been struggling with self harm and suicidal thought every day! i feel like it is inevitable, my suicide, things are getting worse, not better, i am in a dead end relationship with someone who makes me crazier than i already feel. sometimes i wonder if i am just going to snap, lose my mind and kill myself or worse off hurt someone else…. idk i mean my life has gotten better, im in school now, just community college, i have had a job interview, well i guess that’s it for the good things, i have so many more bad, it’s hard to be positive and suck it all up, i feel weak and defeated. so i suppose the last commenter was right things do get better if you make them, but i find despite these “better” things life is still full of suffering and unending depression at least for me.
The first step is to identify the cause. Make a list of all of the things that you are unhappy about. Then try to work out how to best deal with each problem. If you are having difficulty thinking of any ideas, start a post under each heading.
I like the post by Duke of Marmalade and definitely suggest that you try it. It has some similarities with what I did!
Do not give up. Live through without fear of terror, or sadness. Encounter your problems, fix them, get some parchment, write why it’s making you upset, and solve it. No, death is never the answer.