Hereagain

I think there must be many dreamers doing the same in these moments. Looking for a sense of a futile existence, many without a penny in his pocket still naively believe that will be realized.Of course it’s possible! We will not give up, do not you add to the list of losers who just resigned themselves to see through each day without surprise, without a smile, without a word.
No doubt life is not worth it without a reason to exist. Exist without a trace bitter, sweet, sad or happy as a fingerprint, there is not just what we do many: the losers once we own the world, unscrupulous predators automated survive any cost.
In this world where many believe good and evil just accept being cold blooded, which I think is the real human nature.
I’m at a point of absolute despair where nothing and no one makes sense in debt and not a penny about to be arrested without job opportunities and incapable of anything. The recurring ideas are: take my life or commit an assault with a deadly weapon. Even I have a gun to do it and I am such a coward to end my life.
A few years ago I jumped off a bridge drunk too high just to prove how lucky I was because I was so sure that nothing would happen and it did, damn it and here I am without strength even to kill myself. My mother is crying because She can lose the house and none of us have a penny or a job to afford even basic services, and even to eat. I feel like a loser. In a limbo from which I can not get all the damaged ends around me dammit.