I look at my self in the mirror.
I see what I’ve done to myself.
I fall to my knees crying thinking.
What have I done to myself?!
I make up another lie.
I say im sick so I dont halft to go to school.
So people can’t see me like this again.
I read the stories about how bad other pelople have it.
Yes i have nice things and a roof over my head.
But in the end all i want is someone to hold me close
and tel me how much they care and love me
I had somthing close untill he killed himself.
He was the only one to care and protect me
but for doing so got attacked too
I thought mabey if I stopped being
with him people would stop attacking him
I was wrong I hurt him insted.
That week he killed himself for what I did.
Now every night i stay awake drinking and crying
over what I have done to him and to add tothe pain
i’m being attacked more at school because he is
gone. Now the blood drips down from my arms
from all the cutts and all the pain
every ight i cry myself to sleep
and as soon as im awake i cry once again
know I halft to live another day without him
I’ve lost so much blood since he left
I still don’t get how i awake each day.
Hopefully some day ill sleep forever.
Becaus I can’t live with the fact I was the one
to make him feel that way. Not that i just brke his heart
but being with him in th first place getting
him attaced every single day for defending me.
Tonight i’m going to try everything I can to see him again.
Friday the 13th is supost to be unlucky right? mabey
ill finaly OD and bleed out and have it all over so I can see him
and let him know I was just trying to help because
he is the only one i will ever love and i need him I cant be without him…. Goodbye I will soon be with the one I love :’)
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
16 comments
hello i cant say i know exactly wat ur going through but wen i got a divorce it hurt really bad i blamed myaelf but honey it was written for god to take him so with or without u he would hav been gone i feel alone to but plzz dont hurt yourself any more jessew1050@yahoo.com
How would he of been gone?! i was the one who made him hurt and do that all without him datin me pople wouldent of attacked him. And after tonight hopefully i wold be able to and ill b able to see him again. Just to let you know we were both atheist well i still am anyways….
The power of this poem is profound – your emotion corrupts mine.
Two pieces of a tainted heart; one in this world, one in another. A search for reconciliation of a duo ripped apart from each other by a paradox only love could curse upon them; separated by the most perverse of distances:-
So far away that they can’t be reunited; but close enough for the torment to be relentless.
The saddest of ironies – a consuming hopelessness. I have no answer for you; only my sympathy.
well its fair to your parents if u kill ur self but we all hav a path we take baby girl u hav so much to offer people who are in your shoes stop hurting yourself i care and if ur a athiest how do u think u will see him again not saying it sarcastically just asking love jessew1050@yahoo.com
My peresnt everyday tell me how much of a screw up I am they wunt care if im gone. and just bcaus ei dont believe in god dusent mean i don’t believe their isent somthing after death i think our souls will still be here but the living just cant see it. thes my views anyways…
i cant so fast if u want its ok email me i need to tell u how important u are i hurt to but i know im here to save people my ex wife is a supervisor at women in distress a battered womens shelter in fortlauderdale i can put u in contact with her i think women should help women she would love to talk to you or i can talk to u please stop hurting yourself im so sorry for your pain its bringing me to tearssssssssssssssssjessew1050@yahoo.com
First of its not ur fault he died, u were protecting him. nd fuk ur family, thats why were here nd we care, also i dont know why this popped into my head but if friday the 13ths unlucky wouldnt trying to kill urself on it decrease ur chances of sucess?
procel thank you and well every time iv tryed it never works so people may think its lucky im still alive so mabey being unlucky means it will work.
I’m so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.
Please get help, find a counsellor or therapist, or someone you can talk to (a close teacher, doctor, etc). Or call the Samritans. You are going through a lot and you need to talk to someone.
Please do not blame yourself for this guy’s death. You did not kill him. He chose to do it, it might be linked to your breakup but you did not personally kill him. It was not your fault. He should have asked for help or explained what was going on to you, if he didn’t, then how could you have known what he would do? It’s not your fault.
If people are hurting you at school you need to report it and/or change schools, you shouldn’t have to deal with that.
ive been trying to get help but my perents doncare my school dosent care and i dont know how to go find it myself its not like i can just walk out of my house and go get help. and my perents wont let me switch shools they said its only 1 more year so whats the point..
awsome fighting for someones life is not easy pleasse give us good news like the person said before this post were here for uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwithhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhloveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegod bless u girl jessew1050@yahoo.com
No offence but ur parents seem luke idiots. But baxk to the unlucky side. If friday 13 is unlucky it still wont work and to be honest i hope it dosnt work. I dont think u should let those wankers at ur school win. Fuk em u gona give in to a bunch of fools and die? Come on man ur worth more than that. Ur one of us nd i dont want u dying. So i truely hope 13 is unlucky for u md ur stuck here nd im sorry if that sounds harsh but u seem really nice
you are in a tight spot but u will make it through i promise just stop hurting yourself people do care but just like one person said if they dont no how can they help take care of yourself im on a smartphone pain in the but to type god bless all the people that care
Okay. Well, I think you need to be honest and firm. Tell your parents exactly what has happened, how sad and suicidal it has made/is making you feel. Explain you need help. If possible, go and see a doctor and explain you need to see a counsellor and ask if they can refer you for free sessions with one.
If worst comes to the worst, are you in the last year of high school? Start planning. Are you gunna go to college? If not, save up and travel. Get out of wherever the heck you are and let yourself breathe. If you are, fuck these kids at school, they’re fools and you are worth 100 of them my dear. Go to college, or travel and find out who you are.
You are not to blame for this guy’s death, your sucky parents and school or these idiots who hurt you. The fact that you tried to protect this guy shows what a wonderful person you are. Don’t let the idiots and crap in life destroy you, be who you want to be and fuck the rest.
And no matter what happens, no matter what your parents say, you are not a screw up. The fact that you tried to save a guy, have dealt with extreme bullying and a friend’s suicide and have survived despite everything proves that you are a survivor, and a fantastic human being. And I am glad to have met you, even only in cyberspace.
I will try my best. and no i’m only in grade 9. And how can i not blame mysef with out him trying o protect me he would of still had frieds and not be bullyes and attacked every day of bing with me. its been so many years with m perets i just tune them out they have given up on me. and thank you. im gald i met you over cyberspace too.
Look, I was hated in school too, and most people didn’t want to be my friend because they’d get bullied too. But it’s a choice. He chose to be your friend, the best friend he could be, and you protected him, like the best friend you could be. But he chose to be your friend, he chose to commit suicide. You didn’t force him to do those things. You’re only 15/16 years old, you can’t expect yourself to have known all the answers or to take the blame for someone else’s choice. For all we know he might have killed himself for other things or maybe he had a lot of things that he couldn’t control. I know it hurts and I know you feel guilty, but you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s choice, at least not the full blame.
Last year, one of my childhood friends tried to kill herself and I blamed myself because I knew I had hurt her in the past. But it might not have been that and she had a lot of issues at home and in her life. It wasn’t any sole person’s fault.