I tryed manny times but never seems to work.. I don’t get why life needs to keep taunting me everytime i fail. Every night i bleed hoping not to awake the next morrning but i always do. My life might not be the worst some people might question me, but since a very young age iv always felt i don’t deserve to live. I may act like a happy smiling person but on the inside i am always crying and wanting to get away from it all. mabey some day ill finaly never wake up and end this agony once and for all.
April 2012
To begin, I am fairly misanthropic and disenfranchised due to humanity’s impact on nature and the wildlife that inhabit (or did inhabit in many cases) this once beautiful planet, Â how society is in general, whether it be the intolerance and hate that monotheistic religions have spread for generations (as well as how religious teachings dominate our political and legal systems despite all of the blatant problems that arise from it), the general lack of concern for our irreversible impacts, our horrible justice systems, our spiraling out of control dependency on technology, etc, etc…. but I also share the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer’s views on misanthropy […]
I made a fool of myself again. I belived someone who said they cared. That I understood him and was so nice. Then I was told that a relationship would nevet be in the cards. I’ve heard the same crap so many times, it’s sad. I must be an awesome friend because everyone of my ex’s wants to stay my friend. I’m hurting so bad. Each time this happens, I feel as if a little piece of me is torn away. I have chronic depression which means even at the best of times, I’m not in the greatest shape. I want to give in and […]
In the deep deep shadows
Of a dark dark night
A girl walks the face of the Earth alone
As if pulled by a string
She doesn’t know where she’s going
She doesn’t know where she’s been
All she knows is what waits ahead
Because of whom she is
People stare
And people mock
But the young one never stops
She know something they don’t know
And something they never will
And so she tarries on
She goes as far as humanly possible
And then she walks some more
For she remembers the tale
She was told long ago down […]
i lost her. My girlfriend. She was all I had left. She promised she wouldn’t leave and now she’s gone. I’ve got nothing left to live for. Soon this gouge I took out of my wrist will make me slip away. I expect to pass out soon from the shock response, so to all of you here, I say goodbye
the sadness of being stuck within the created mirrored imagination
We sometimes want to go back to the past but we are disturbed when we theorize that a visit to the past may not be what we envisioned. The past is DEAD. If we go there then there is nothing but rotting and decaying reality which poorly mimics the present reality. Going back to the past is like digging up an old body and expecting that body to communicate like it did when it was ALIVE. We want so much to go back to the past but what happens when realize the truth that what we wish for will be disgusting and perverted – which […]
Here I find myself again, with tears streaming and a heart that aches. I have no idea what to do. I feel lost in a world that is passing me by, crippled by the fears of the unknown that consume me. So many paths lay before me and I can’t even take the first step, the pain inside crippling. Betrayal, anger, hurt, hate, love, loss; all consuming thoughts.   I don’t want to be here.  I feel tired and broken and the task of putting the pieces back together is impossible; even if I could, I would never be the same. My life can be seen […]
I feel as though there are different parts of me that constantly keep taking over myself. One side does stuff that ‘I’ do not do or accept, one is sad all the time, one is child-like, one is nice and angelic, one is rude and hateful…I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions because I’m never in the same mood/thought process within the same two hours. I tried to tell my mother about my situation, and she thinks that IÂ do have control over my life/actions, I’m just pretending as though I don’t. And I’m afraid that if she tells me that again, she’ll […]
I always seem to float in-between. Not one thing or another. And I’ve been dead for so long now that I’ve forgotten how to be alive. I’m a zombie. So I was wondering, could someone please tell me how to live? (This is not a sarcastic/metaphoric question.)
Hoping and planning
A jubilant day
Swimming in my fantasies
Senses dulled by illusion
Almost real
Talking and laughing
Near to you
Blood aching under my skin
So aware of you
Almost close enough
Cutting and scraping
My emotions away
Dyeing the world with rivers of red
Delusions clouding my judgments
Almost numb
Trying and grasping
The edge of the knife
Dangling […]
i feeeel so alone D: like… my personality is blahh -.- unfixable. :/ what can i doooo??? so i can interact with people… like what do i do WRONG?????????????????
hi..here’s the link to my facebook page… http://www.facebook.com/?sk=welcome#!/profile.php?id=100003685939793
and here’s a link to the new story im writing… should i continue? http://www.quizazz.com/story.php/1547731/Til-Death/
This POST is intended to shed some light on the feeling of not belonging to this world/being part of it. If you have a mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia please take your medication(s).
When I was 16 I tried to commit suicide if I would have succeeded I would not have known the beauty of seeing each one of my girls birth or watching them grow; Not known what it would have felt like to fall in-love nor see how great of a career I would have. I tried to get rid of myself simply because I did not belong.
After the incident I visited […]
If anyone wants to talk…I made a facebook…don’t worry it doesn’t have any personal information…Kenzie Mack…I’m here…(= For any problem..I’m a good listener..its got a raiinbow flower picture
These thoughts are out of control,I’m going to my therapist later and i just don’t know how to describe these feeling,I’m a tell her i don’t wanna be on meds ne more, cause there not helping, i’ve tried and tried to push , but i losing strength, I feel hopeless these thoughts will always come back, cause i let them, but it only because the feel so raw and true. I believe what you say, i just don’t believe it forever, you lost it, you lost everything, my love is gone and the only thing i feel is hatred to myself and life,, I don’t […]
I may be metal and have no heart
But in your life I have become a part
As I carve and carve at your tender wrist
I feel in your brain there must be a twist
Is it normal to turn to me for help?
When if I scar another they scream and yelp
Your feeling empty and rather alone
But I’m not left sitting alone in your home
In your bathroom cabinet I’m normally sealed
Although next to your heart your dreams become real
You use me to express your raw self hate
But should I be used in this way to create
The […]
i have been feeling loved lost lately by my own family
Suicide
how can i make this stop
Suicide
It’s all i think about
Suicide
Can’t get it out
Suicide
So hard to resist
Suicide
resist the urge to slit my wrist
Suicide
wishing i had a gun
Suicide
all i have is a small razor
Suicide
so i drag the blade across my legs and arms
Suicide
wishing to do myself much more harm
Suicide
and i wake soaked in blood
Suicide
cuts all over my body
Suicide
and im still somehow alive
Suicide
deep and long so much blood lost
Suicide
how am i still here?
Suicide
I really need a gun
Suicide
one day… one day
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I couldn’t sleep last night. I barely got 2 hours. I dreamt my father came to me just to tell me how much of a nuisance I am and how much trouble I’ve caused him. I woke up, just in time for class, but I couldn’t find the energy to get up. Once it was too late to go, I started crying. Â I’m going to screw up my whole life, or should I rather say, I’ve already screwed up my whole life. I’ve been going on like this for months now, and I can’t find the courage to tell anyone.
Ever since one of my best […]
Why can’t I find the courage to just end all of this?
I’m tired of crying.
I’m tired if hurting.
I don’t know what to do anymore 🙁
Wow It was aaawwwesome!Wrestlinq Is one of the thinqs that keeps me qoinq.I’ve been watchinq It since I was nine.When I first laid my eyes on It,I fell In love.This years WrestleMania was qood!The thinq that I didn’t like was that The Rock won.Uqh he makes movies so who cares If he would’ve lost?Cena wrestles every week.That was The Rock’s old like and It Is Cena’s life so why’d they make him lose?And Sheamus,I don’t care that he won I just wished that I would’ve seen a match Instead of Daniel kissinq cute Aj and then turn around and qet kicked In the face.Triple H […]