This POST is intended to shed some light on the feeling of not belonging to this world/being part of it. If you have a mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia please take your medication(s).
When I was 16 I tried to commit suicide if I would have succeeded I would not have known the beauty of seeing each one of my girls birth or watching them grow; Not known what it would have felt like to fall in-love nor see how great of a career I would have. I tried to get rid of myself simply because I did not belong.
After the incident I visited a number of therapist and read books on the subject of depression, social phobias and all that but yet I found no answers. Nothing that these therapist suggested seem to work and I never took any medications which they suggested. I don’t recommend doing so unless you truly have a mental illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia if this is the case please take your medications.
The therapist always try to rationalize the reason why you feel a certain way so they put you in nice categories which allows them to comprehend how you feel. OK, wait how can they comprehend how you FEEL unless they can feel it themselves. Understanding and feeling is not the same thing. Sure there are serious mental illness out there and some have them but most don’t.
If you feel like you don’t belong on this planet and can’t stand other people is for a reason(or you may just be an asshole, lol…), no you don’t have a social phobia because if that were the case then I could not hold a job, go out to clubs, or hang out with my friends. I do everything everyone else does except for the fact that since the incident until now I still feel like I don’t and won’t ever belong on this planet. It is not a question of sanity as I’m not insane, no I don’t have dreams about having sex with my mother or killing anyone or anyone trying to hurt me. It is simple, I like many others I just don’t belong here.
Most people are content on just waking up, going to work then getting home, cook,watch some TV then repeat the same cycle all over again with minor tweaks(but mostly the same). But there are those of us who are not; We can’t and won’t subscribe to the what is on the tube tonight bullshit and what did Snooky from the Jersey shore did or say(WTF people). Most people seem to be brainwashed on thinking that the crap that goes on in this world is and should be the norm when it is not. The reason why we feel like we don’t belong is because there should be more, people should be more intelligent and have better conversations, be more creative and not dumb lab rats. No I’m not trying to offend anyone it is just how We(those who don’t belong) see the world. Unfortunately because we live in a world where the majority of society rules(hence the crowds) we cannot change this so We always try to find a way to take ourselves out of the equation, be it drinking pills, drinking, smoking, over eating or cutting yourself. But as I mentioned before none of this will help hence why I’m still around(dreading it yes). Just don’t ever let anyone feed you pills or try to tell you that your are insane you are not it is perfectly normal to feel that way regardless of what the therapist tells you. I’m 35 now and recently escaped death due to a botch surgery(how ironic); I often wonder why I have been spared and why would the Universe/God spared little ol me. Nope I have no answer other than I still need to do something on this plane of existence. I tell you the more you want out the less you’ll get what you want; I learned that when I was 16 and keep it as a reminder, so let’s try living for a change and see if our wish is granted then.
The one thing I have found that truly works is meditation, it works for almost anything. Try it for 15 minutes every day(preferably in the morning); You’ll see improvement in your health/life and how you deal with our dilemma of not belonging within this world.
Learn how to meditate(These are sites that I have found to help me in learning meditation):
FREE EBOOK: An Easy Guide to Meditation http://www.amazon.com/An-Easy-Guide-Meditation-ebook/dp/B005VQV1D8/ref=pd_sim_kstore_10?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2
http://www.how-to-meditate.org/
http://www.how-to-meditate.org/videos/
http://www.yogananda-srf.org/PY_SRF_Lessons_for_Home_Study.aspx
29 comments
I’m almost 35 and you seem to know exactly how I feel. I am not like other people. Why? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I blindly accept social rules and be dumb and feel nothing? Why must I feel other peoples pain so keenly when I know that the second I need them they’re not going to be there? Why must it physically hurt when someone injures an animal? Why must I get depressed when someone blows off a beautiful song or painting or poem for something mindless? Why? What the hell did I do to deserve this mind or this life?
@emptiness7:
Yes that is exactly how most of us in our circle feels and no matter what others tell you they will never understand. The only advice I can give you is to try to take things lightly and know that when the end comes you’ll know that you gave it your best shot and whom ever is counting our deeds(God or whatever deity you believe in) in this world will know how you feel/felt. Take it one day at a time and try to gather with like minded folks.
It is so hard to find like minded people. And whenever I think I have they hurt me. 🙁
@emptiness7:
I truly understand but you can’t give up 🙂
I feel this way myself most of the time but every once in a while I find myself reaching a different conclusion than “we dont belong on this planet and life sucks”. Maybe we are still meant to be part of this world, but just in a different way. When we think about the whole go to work come home watch tv and do it all again, do we realize that some people DONT live like that? Dont get me wrong its statistically rare, most people are just corporate robots, but im sure thrre are thousands of people who find non traditional careers, or do something where youre self employed, and people who do get out and enjoy the world instead of using their free time to watch jersey shore. So maybe its not that we dont belong on this planet, but we’re part of this fringe of society who want something different and better, and it doesnt mean we have a mental disorder. Even just simple depression i think for many of us the real cause is the pressure we feel trying to be forced into this society that we just dont agree with. Unfortunately living a non traditional life isnt easy, youd have to be lucky to find a job that really interests you and makes a difference in the world rather than a nine to five robot job, and its hard to find people to socialize with who want to do anything but go to the bar or watch a new mindless hollywood movie. So it’s not an easy path that we find ourselves on but i dont think it means we dont belong on this planet. Its just hard to find the tiny little pockets where we might fit in.
What makes you think we can’t change the crowd thus changing society?
I agree with emptiness7!!! Whenever I find a like minded person, they seem to abandon me or treat me wrongly. Story of my life.
I agree with ThousandCuts… Nothing much else to add.
@emptiness7
you should google highly sensitive person and/or empath
@spartan2276
I tried meditation a couple of months ago: I didn’t feel much different and it started to bore me more than anything ..
I’ve been out of a very dark mood for a month & half only to realize that even when I’m not depressed, I still want out .. I developed a death obsession, nothings seems to have me hold on to life like I used to
-what to do when you’ve lost interest in the human experience ?- is my struggle
I definitely have a problem. I’ve researched empaths before because it’s actually really hard to live this way. I watch the news and feel actual pain when I hear about someone suffering. I don’t know how to get a handle on it and I wish there was someone who felt some of the same because it’s hard to handle alone.
emptiness7 I believe I’m an empath .. I usually am able to feel how someone truly feels without trying to, it just happens .. the stronger the emotion, the more it resonates in me .. I’d describe myself as an emotional sponge and trying to block the process doesn’t change shit
as a result, I can only take groups in small doses & can’t stay around people with negative energy for too long .. luckily I’m quite disconnected from outer reality/real life, also have a wandering mind and it definitely helps
I definitely think I am. I take on other peoples pain and I often forget what’s real. It’s probably why I’m so trusting and also so deluded in my relationships. But I guess it’s better than being cold? I just need to learn to keep the walls up.
what do you mean by what’s real ?
I’ve read empaths are like magnets for narcissists, emotional vampires and other users ..
after having dealt with 2-3 users, I don’t feel ‘appointed’ (or rather appealed ?) to help people feel better like I used to .. to keep people at a distance till my mind & emotions have agreed it’s safe to lower the walls is my current strategy
I guess I’m trying to find a balance between concern and self-preservation
I forget what is my own problem and what I’m able to fix. I try to fix everyone but at the cost of my self.
I see .. what do you think you’re after when you attempt to ‘fix’ people ?
recognition of your existence ? being loved by those people ?
(if I’m not being intrusive)
I just don’t want people to hurt.
awwww how touching :*)
have you ever had an interest in metaphysics ?
I do. I really am interested in anything that explains things outside the so called norm because there is a reason all these fringes exist. I just want to know what it is.
I gotta get some sleep .. see you later e7
@Liger
People can’t change the crowed because as soon as u mention how we feel they percive us as outcast who some how have an issue. People have been so institutionalized in our current system/society that trying to change that is just impossible. Trust I’ve tried.
@truthbetold
Meditation is not for everyone, if u have tried great. Also this has nothing to do with being depressed, u are miss understanding my post. How we see the world is just different, we have a different perspective on life and how we view the world. I’m never depressed yet I feel this way specially when I engage people in conversation.
@truthbetold
I meant to say i feel this way all the time when i engage people in conversation yet I’m never ever depress. We are just different and we just dont belong here, is all.
@emptiness7
No one can answer that question but u, we are what we are and we feel how we feel, once u start accepting yourself you can start getting the answer you seek until then, the current trend you are in will continue. People by default are not empathetic towards one another, again they have been trained and institutionalized to behave think this way.
@thousandspapercuts
I dont feel like im being forced in to this society, bottom line is that i don’t like this world and the sheeps who live in it, I do not hate them not at all infact I wish I could help them understand. So it has nothing to do with being depressed. I function every day like those that nicely fit in it. But the feeling is always there so i choose to be part of it. The routine part is just a way to reach those that feel this ways because is the easiest way to explain it. But there tons of other factors that make us feel this way, if you are depressed then or find yourself with a new conclusion then you may have a different issue. As for emptiness7, he/she understands because this is not about depression but about perspective and empathy.
this is pretty spot on with how I feel, for me I am certainly depressed due to numerous aspects of my own personal life but it is not the depression that leaves me wanting to end my existence, it is that society/humanity is so far removed from anything remotely positive, progressive, and productive that I simply don’t wish to take part. I went into further detail in my only post but another thing that rings true is that society cannot realistically be changed… it certainly is getting worse (destruction of nature and ever increasing populations, dependence on technology, and government control all come to mind)
Hi everyone. I found this thread/website when I was doing a google search of the feeling of not belonging. Much of what I have read here feels like reading thoughts I could have typed myself. I have a long history of depression going back to the age of 11; year one of secondary school, where I felt extremely isolated and also seemed to get labelled as a “loner” because thats the way it started out for me….this seemed to seal my fate. There are many layers to the reasons for me having difficulty fitting in. On one level, I can relate to everything people have expressed here- about wanting more out of life, better conversations and frustration at people’s apparent unwillingness to be more open-minded etc. I may feel differently if I had more opportunities to be in different social circles…..people that enjoy to discuss philosophical subjects and people who enjoy delving into metaphysical subjects and exploration of the mysteries. I dream of finding these circles of people, and meanwhile I feel disconnected and socially lonely. It is true that it isn’t always hunky dory when one does find such a subculture and manages to find ways to meet up with them in group trips etc. I have found that there still is a certain level of bitchiness even amongst “open-minded, more enlightened” types. I still felt a sense of inadequacey whatever group of people I have been around. I have often wondered if I have something like ADD (or even aspergers, which I doubt) which makes me feel a bit awkward. Or could it be that I didn’t have enough social contact growing up as a youngster, and wasn’t equipped with enough common sense, practical ability or social skills? My mother was a bit overprotective as a child. I just wish that whatever had made me this way….so awkward etc…..could be undone. I feel so worthless often. I found this website because I have been feeling this way much more, due to how I feel at work in a job I recently started (working as a carer in a nursing home, which ironically can be quite a bitchy kind of place to work- and not many workers to find of the philosophical type!). I used to feel suicidal a lot, then things got better for a while when I fell in love with my husband online and he came here to the UK to be with me. I am under a sort of dilemma- it is very crucial not only to our finances but to him being here in the long run that I try to hold down a job. (He is unable to work). The main reason I have fought to overcome any suicidal thoughts I’ve had is the fact I have two young sons who I know love me, and I can’t bear the thought of doing anything to myself that would hurt them. However I feel torn sometimes between feelings of indequacey; self hatred; disconnection; being overwhelmed with life/ what it all may be about- torn between such feelings and the necessity to stay alive in order to prevent hurting others dear to me. Also death is so final- and there is always the fear that once I get there I may realize it had been a mistake. By the way, my sons live with their father (not my husband)- I simply felt they would be better off living with him because of my depression. After I had a second son, I felt I couldn’t cope as a mother. I feel extremely ashamed of this and a terrible sense of failiure. All I wanted above all else, when I held my first son in my arms, was to be the best mother I could be to this beautiful, tiny innocent little soul who had been born from the warmth and bliss of the womb to a world so harsh. I wanted to protect him in every way I could etc. However being a mother turned out harder than I expected, and this hurts me more than anything ever has or ever will…..that I failed in this one task that is one of the most sacred tasks anyone can have. It hurt, like hell, but I kept going because I had to; you find a way to in these situations. I had a lot of trouble with their father (luckily they have a good father to give them stability, who is not prone to depression/ stress and able to be upbeat). He wanted me to stay single even though we weren’t together, and prevented me from seeing the children any time I started having a relationship, even though it was the isolation which was making me ill. However things (finally) seem to be getting better now. I guess that the social stigma of a mother failing to cope/ giving up her children, still exists, although it is less today than it was before, and ironically, this very thing alone may prevent me from ever being able to “fit in” socially. I mean, although I do feel different from most people, I can accept other people’s differences and don’t expect them to be the same as me….I just want them to accept me as I am too. I can appreciate small talk, sometimes….I don’t mind. I just long to talk about other things if deprived of it for too long. There are always ways we can relate to people, even if we are different. That’s how I see it. I just feel inadequate still and unable to fit in. One of the things I suffer with is “mind-fog” and short term memory. I sense that people at work are looking down on me for it, and I feel extremely down, frustrated and humiliated by it. My manager has been very kind to me, and told me that she feels I am being way too hard on myself, and am a good carer. However that doesn’t change the way I feel around my other colleagues, when working. Sometimes I wonder if people would expect someone like me, who couldn’t cope with her own children, to be a bad person, rather than someone who is caring. Everyone who knows me at work knows how caring I am….I wonder why this isn’t enough to allow people to accept me, or perhaps they are suspicious and wonder why someone who is caring wouldnt be able to cope or could allow herself to fail as a mother? By the way I have a copy of that book someone mentioned, called “the highly sensitive person”. I have a great love of animals also and am very sensitive to the feelings of others (both human and animal). As a child I think these “empathic” tendencies began with animals, and a sensitivity to the general atmosphere in a room…..later my empathic tendencies extended more towards people too, through my own experiences of suffering and by seeing that people are just more complex types of animals…..just as vulnerable deep down with the same spiritual essence, the same hopes and needs.
By the way, I forgot to make it clear that when I said I “failed” as a mother, it was not that I abused them…..it was simply that I felt overwhelmed with things/ overcome with depression etc and asked their father to look after them.
Also, thinking about the idea that anyone might suspect the above makes me feel quite suicidal. There were some times, admittedly, where I couldn’t cope and wasn’t my best, but I was never cruel….that just isn’t me….my boys also always knew I loved them- they were never short of hugs or kisses etc. Just thinking about any mistakes I’ve made in the past concerning them tears me apart inside. I have to use my willpwer to pull myself away from desires to end my life for being such a disgusting, shitty and worthless person, because the mere possibility that it could effect my boys, even if I am worthless, is enough motivation. But it is so hard sometimes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=AL94UKMTqg-9Ac0qR26jIGA6FYaz4FFOlx