This is my first time on here. After reading a few pages of stories, i decided i’d try. Cuz maybe somebody who doesn’t know me will care about me when my own family doesnt. I’m Rocky, 24f and completely lost. After trying, and failing, to kill myself, i decided to stick around. Why? Only because i’m in debt and my family can’t afford to pay for it. But my sister told me that next time i should try harder so i succeed. I’m actually thinking it sounds like a good idea. I’m so sick of all the pain and all the bad shit. The only good thing in my life r my books, the only thing i have to help me escape, even if only for a moment. I give up. I don’t know who controlled the strings in my life but i’m sick of being tugged on n made to fall. I’m sick of feeling like a toy, something to play with however u want n then thrown to the side. Thats all i am, a toy. Im done being played with.
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8 comments
Here no one will play you. The funny thing about this site is after we read a story we are ready to fly half way across the world to give you a hug.
I don’t think anybody can really not be sick of everything. What’s happened that’s made you feel like this.
Books are what I turned to for comfort. I still do. Especially fantasy. It lets you leave this world even if its only for a while.
Ive always been a fighter. I think i just completely lost all fight in me. I come from a big family, 5 kids, mom n stepdad. My oldest stepbrother has williams syndrome (an off-set of downs) and was sexually abused. He started with me at 3yrs old and continued until i was going into high school. I fought to keep him off my baby sister when he started looking at her. My stepdad found out and started physically abusing me. I fought to hide from him. I fought to hide the bruises. My mom found out and started verbally abusing me and i fought to stop listening. i fought to tell myself that i’m better than this and i’ll be out of her house someday. I can’t fight anymore. I prayed every night to keep him out of my room. Just one night of peace. God never listened. Now, i’m back in my moms house, i’m back to hearing how useless i am, i’m back to being made to feel like i don’t deserve to be alive. I dont have any fight left.
The hugs are appreciated, even if only virtual. I only hoped to find anyone, no matter how close or far away, who could make me feel as if someone cared. I found the website tonight and i’m glad i did.
She’s right. I feel like I know I can keep fighting if only for people here who refuse to let me give up.
I send you virtual hugs, i’m to far to actually go but i want you to know that i care.
Everybody gets sick of everything in some point of their lives, it’s normal, the thing is how you deal with it.
I’m in the books too, mainly fantasy, because it makes me forget my life for a while even sometimes it hurts too…
It the hardest thing to fight with family. They are suppose to be the ones who love you and comfort you. Families are tucked. Fact. Hold on. You will be out someday. I don’t know how old you are but do things that make you proud of yourself. If that’s getting good grades in school or helping someone else do it. When you look back you can show your mom how useful you are. I’m 14 and going through a lot. My old friend is trying to put me down but I’m showing her she cant control me. That I will prosper no matter what she tries.
Thanks hun. Im hoping to go back to school soon. Life keeps getting in the way. I shared the first 18 yrs of my life, won’t bother with the last 6 cuz it keeps just goin downhill from there. I know i’m better than this, just felt like i needed to get it out or i’d explode (figuratively) and actually succeed in what i’m scared of doing most. I hope things continue looking up for all of us. We are good people, we deserve better. Just can’t seem to get the energy to dig myself out of my hole.
Sometimes its not energy that digs us out, its hope. I know you can dig yourself out and set your life back on the right tracks. Fierce hope and love.