Why I hate my life

I want to die because, I  am tired of fighting, struggling, trying to live right and being alone.   I am living with consequences for my actions, b/c  I was too stupid in my youth to know better. Now my life is confusing and hellish.  I just hope that when I die, I don’t go to hell,”if it’s real”, because I live in hell when I have to wake up and face another day.   When I go to church feel miserable, the life I dreamed of having, will never be.  I just wish God would put me out of my misery.  Years ago I saw a episode called “DEATH is my gift”.  Right now, Death would be a gift for me.