Empty

I am trying to hold on, but I have been steadily tidying up my life these last weeks and I am throwing away my career and my life very quickly. I am steadily working towards the end and although I feel really bad right now, I know I will hold on another day or two. I keep trying to find excuses to carry on just one more day (new tattoos, new clothes/shoes to be bought tomorrow), anything at all. But it is all crap and means nothing. It is just a distraction from where I know I am heading. I hate to set deadlines, none of my previous attempts have been deadlines, but I know this is going to be defining week, one way or another. I have a psych appointment Thursday to hang on for, but after that, if nothing is better, I am going to go for it, I hope…. 🙁

Now I am going home to cut some more though, maybe that will help