Breaking down.

My guess is that you have a strong frustration and feeling of being unable to control the circumstances of your life and this feeling is way down deep inside of you. I would spend some time thinking about my life, my childhood, my parents, my experiences with people, and see if there are things that I feel happened to me or where said to me, etc. that I couldn’t affect but that I didn’t necessarily like. Maybe your parents got divorced. Maybe you were bullied even once or twice. Maybe you were cut from the team when you tried out for a sport. Just brainstorming ideas. Maybe there is something you wanted to do or to become or an experience you had your heart set on and it didn’t happen or it didn’t happen the way you wanted to to or hoped it would. Maybe you wanted a certain girlfriend. Maybe she was dismissive of you. ???? There could be so many things. Some big, some small. The important thing is to see if there is something in there and be honest with yourself about how it made you feel.

Will you be able to get justice, or make it right? Probably not. That’s okay, because once you let yourself process how you feel about it, then you can talk to yourself about how much of life is out of a person’s control. You can get to the mature place that adults should get to where they learn to control the things that they can control and accept and make the best out of those things that they cannot control. The key, I think, is to figure out what you can control and focus on what you can control. You can control what kind of person you are, how you expend your energies, and how you are going to respond to what happens to you. I think getting in touch with what is underneath the surface for you based upon your past will help a lot.

If you need to talk to a pastor or to a counselor, you should keep that option open if you think you need to talk to someone who can help you. I think people who feel a lot of anger can be people who have been criticized by parents or teachers, etc. And, whether it is because of that or not, they can be people are expect a lot of themselves and so they react in anger when they are not meeting their own expectations.

So, be good to yourself. Accecpt yourself. Don’t think that you have to do things just right or get just certain results or have people do what you want in order to be happy. There is an old (really old) book called, “I’m ok, you’re ok”. I haven’t read it (it’s too old :o), but it’s a good idea for you, I think. Start to accept yourself and others because you are all worthy. God put you here for a reason and created you for a reason. He isn’t harsh and judgmental. People can be. But, we don’t need to be. Look around and you will see examples of people who are calm and peaceful and accepting and kind. Try to learn from them. They don’t let things bother them. They look for the good in others and in themselves.

I think you are a great person. If you weren’t you wouldn’t want to get better. Also, you may be depressed. That can cause irritability. If so, there are medicines that can get your brain chemistry balanced better so that you don’t feel so irritable. That is something to consider. If you see a doctor, they are supposed to keep your information confidential. So, you shouldn’t feel afraid to go and see one if this seems like a possibility to you. I don’t know your situation. If you are young and have accepting parents you may want to involve them. It’s whatever makes the most sense for your situation. Those are my thoughts. Good luck. You will get better because you want to. And, I firmly believe that if you ask God to help you He will. We can’t always “see” what he is doing to help and sometimes it seems like He isn’t. But, if you sincerely ask, it will become apparent at some point down the line that He was helping. Give it time. You are a good person. Be encouraged.