Dedicated To Brooke

I have this friend, let’s call her Brooke. Brooke was my best friend in kindergarten and all throughout elementary school. When middle school arrived, we’ve slowly started to drift apart. It’s eighth grade now and we’re friends, but not like before. I regret everything, all our fights and misunderstandings, the judging behind each other’s backs and the backstabbing things we’d do. All I want is to be there for her and be her friend, but I feel like it’s too late.

Brooke has cut, she’s cried, she’s been heartbroken, and hurt in many ways. Similar to me. And because these things happen to me, it’s why I don’t want anything to happen to Brooke. I hate me, I hate my life, I hate what I do to myself. It may sound ironic, but I don’t want Brooke to feel that way, but I know she does.

Yesterday and today, she’s cried, in front of everyone. She cried for the hurt, the anger, the humiliation. She cried because she was having family issues, friend issues, and issues with herself. People know she hurts, it’s all over her twitter. But at school, she does the best she can to bottle all her hurt up. But one thing, one little thing, set her off. She broke down. Because a boy she used to love, and might still love, told her he doesn’t want her in her life. And that his girlfriend, Brooke’s best friend, doesn’t want her in her life either. Brooke’s friend, let’s call her Peyton, saw her crying ad just hugged her. All through their next two classes. And after school, Peyton told Brooke that she doesn’t want them to be friends anymore. Who does that? I can’t imagine the hurt Brooke must feel, but maybe I do…

Today, she cried again. All the other girls, not including Peyton, surrounded her, comforting her. Peyton just sat at her computer, doing her work. Brooke was crying for Peyton this time, and Peyton didn’t even care. Brooke kept saying “Who does that? Who does that?” She couldn’t understand how someone could just forget about one person and want them out of their life. And deep down, I felt like that’s what I did. That I hurt Brooke in some way. Probably not as bad, as Brooke never broke down crying about me, but still, I felt guilty.

Brooke rides my bus so I asked her to sit with me on the ride home. I asked her how she was and just wanted to listen. Not for the gossip, but for her feelings. She told me that she writes down her feelings to let it all out, not opening the bottle, but enough for air to pass through. And because of her, I’m going to do the same.

I’m going to start writing down my feelings every once in awhile, on this website. Not everything, but enough to let air pass through, so I don’t have to feel like I’m contained within my mind. Everything I write will be dedicated to Brooke, even if I don’t mention her. I’m not looking for comments, I don’t care if people hate what I’m writing. I’m going to start doing this and see if things get even slightly better. Maybe one day I’ll find the courage in my writing to be able to tell someone what I feel.