I want to scream!

It’s days like this that make life difficult at this point. Today was such a great day, then suddenly everything starts going more than wrong one after another.. Staying sober on this days is highly difficult! I know it’s nothing major and it shouldn’t really affect everything, however at this stage in soberity emotions are very sensetive and over reactive. I really want to get high right now, so that everything I’m feeling can just go away; even if only for a little while! The things that are going wrong are things that are going to cost me a lot of money, and at this time I am having a really hard time finding a job so I don’t have money! This is very stressful!!! I seriously just wish that I could just get numb without ruinning my soberity completely! Problem is that I know that I will end up benging if I do anything at all, even with the smallest thing and then the addict in me starts all over again and there’s no stopping it! I HATE BEING AN ADDICT!!!!!!!!!!!