life sucks I cant take this pain no more

i have been betrayed by my so called friends am mad at the world and lost all hope for trust and this is developed into despair and depression. Everyday is painful I am reminded of how much this hurts every time I wake up in the morning and I ask myself how come am not dead yet. when i contemplate suicide something happens and i end up postponing it. For example, I might get a random call or visit from a friend and I have to “act” like am ok but this kinda makes me post pone it till later when I am trying to sleep and cannot because i am in so much pain. am just ready to die……I have watching kurt kobain’s interviews because I could relate with him and his pain I dont do drugs but I could relate with his pain and loneliness. i have been depressed for over 2 months and it seems to be getting worse man i dont know i just wish i could just think myself out of existence but unfortunately i dont have those kind of powers theres no hope for me is over