I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy.
I have no real friends that I can talk to anymore and I have no idea what I truly want to do or where my life is going. I went to college and I have a stable job. But I didn’t make it in life. I am an average person; I am a loser. I wake up, go to work, eat, shower, watch TV, eat, read a book, sleep—repeat. That’s it. Nothing spectacular but nothing that miserable.
I am afraid this is my life. This is it. There is nothing more.
I no longer have any real desire. I used to want so many materialistic things and now I pretty much want nothing. I bought $2000 purse in attempt to get myself excited and failed. I felt nothing.
I have no real reason to commit suicide and I’m too proud to kill myself. What would people think of me? Be disgusted? And to die after all this hard work fails to make any sense.
I can’t die yet. I didn’t have any fun in life yet.
I want to rest, to not care, to not worry, to not cry, to not be alone, to not exist, to disappear.
8 comments
Allow yourself to ask a few questions.
What makes you happy?
What do you aspire to have in your life?
I’m afraid up until this point you have answered with material goods. And evidently have seen what happens.
Now let me ask you, if you could change your life, what would be different?
I have no friends either, and I can’t stand the loneliness and isolation, but all I have to think is would having friends who were idiots or insincere friends be better? Then I don’t feel as bad.
I used to be materialistic and feel that buying material possessions would make me happier but I was wrong. I dyed my hair a few times thinking changing my appearance would make me feel better and change my life and now I regret it because it dried out and irritated my scalp for a long time but now since I massaged apple cider vinegar into my scalp it’s starting to heal.
A lot of people feels like this, including myself.
@zuckerguss, I changed my appearance so many times, hair colors, haircuts, beards, clotches, every time I think it will change my sociality. It never works yet I still want to do it again.
It wasn’t the same for me. After I bleached my hair I changed my mind now I wish I could change my hair back to my natural color.
theres way more to life just work on yout soul thats all that matters you will aleays be happy surround your self with the ones you love
You are going through a normal phase in life. Everyone feels that way at some point. If you can find things you like it does not mean they don’t exist, it means you are having difficulty finding them.
Kon-chan, do you ever feel like you were meant for a higher purpose?
The problem with happiness is that as soon as you approach it, you also approach it’s opposite, sadness.