i am 22. i am a new mother. i live to try and make the love of my life happy.
not too long ago, i chose to have a child with this man not only because i love him, but i knew he could be the wonderful husband, father and companion i have always dreamed of. we had a son almost a year ago, and they are my entire world.
i have always understood that we were completely different people but knew we could make a great life for our son and ourselves. after the baby arrived, the ex girlfriend came back into the picture. little did i know, she had never really left. but she isn’t the only one.
i can honestly admit that i have been faithful and loyal to this man. i have been waiting on a proposal and our wedding day to arrive. a discussion that started off about why i have been mopey and gloomy lead to him telling me that he doesn’t love me and never has. that he saw the potential in me to be a good mother and a good friend. that he had planned on swaying me to fall in love with him just so i would have his child. i am crushed. i do not want to go on. if i can’t live the life i want then why stick around to watch another female raise my child? i had a baby for us. and there is no more us.
without him, i have no one. and my son will never remember my death. i have been planning to use a pistol i just bought for protection. quick, easy enough. i just have to muster up enough courage to pull the trigger.
i have had no opportunity to talk to anyone about all of this. even so, what difference would come of telling anyone close. i can only see people who ‘care for’ and ‘love’ me complicating things. those people mean nothing to me compared to him. if i go then he will have his child and i will never be an issue again. he will truely be happy. and that is what i want.
4 comments
This is just heartbreaking… I fucking hate men.
Heh, it’s not just men. I had a girl who was going to marry me and then pretty much did the same thing to me, said she never really loved me, she ran off with all these people who she used to say she hated, became a totally different person. Luckily I never had a kid with her or I would be so hurt that our family wasn’t together. 7 months later though I still have dreams about her.
Stef, I know it doesn’t really matter what anyone else says, I can’t imagine how much your heart hurts, it’s one thing to get dumped, it’s another thing entirely to have a child involved. I can’t claim to know how that feels. But I hope you will keep going. Even if your child is too young to remember you at this point and you feel you could leave, that’s almost just as selfish as what your ex is doing. Children can really get messed up when they don’t have both of their parents to love them. Even if you think some other female will take your place, they will never be the child’s true mother. He has no right to take the kid away and just replace you. You could fight him in court, courts almost always side with the mothers and award them custody.
Some day you will find someone who will love you equally. You cared much more about this guy than he did about you, and I’ve been burned in a similar situation before. It sucks, but it happens. Obviously this guy is nothing special. Maybe the greatest, most loyal, caring guy in the world would be worth wanting to die over. Wanting to die because you lost someone who was still talking to his ex the entire time, decided to choose someone else over you, lied to you, broke your heart, why is that person worth dying over? I know you probably just want relief from the pain. It’s going to hurt for a while, I hope you can just be strong.
I really have no other options but to live with it or die. We live together. have been for quite some time. We met after I left my ex husband for cheating on me.
He promised that he would prove to me that there are people who can give you a reason to believe in love. And he did. So much so that, I can’t believe him when he says he doesn’t love me.
I quit the job that I’ve had for almost four years because things became so unbearable. My coworkers hated me because the hatred they had for him for causing problems. Coming from a small town, he knows everyone and likes to ‘stir the pot’. Him meddling in every aspect of my life for his own entertainment never bothered me. Even after losing my job and my friends. Until now, of course. Now that I really could use them.
He had this planned from the beginning. And even though this will kill me, I can’t wait for him to come home from work today because I’ve missed him.
It is true that some children grow up crazy without both loving parents. But, a selfish as it may be, I think he is going to be better off with one happy parent instead. His father is a very intelligent and loving man. I have no worry for his well being.
I have no family, no alternatives.
Intelligent he may be, without doubt. But loving he is not! He is manipulative and abusive, and even though you love him, you need to get out of this relationship together with your son, no matter how hard it seems on the surface. You need to save yourself and your son from his influence. I’ve know and experienced decade long abuse, I know it when I see it, and people like your partner can’t love in a healthy way. You need to stay around to protect your son, or otherwise he will be one of those posting here in 15 or so years.
Be strong.