WHY?
That’s the only question I have for you.
WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
I can’t keep doing this, I don’t understand. Why would you make humans capable of love? It’s a horrid, horrid emotion? I don’t understand what we did to deserve this kind of cruel and unusual punishment. You made us in your own image, right? What, did you just have so much love in your heart that you had to give each and every one of us a bit of it, so that we could feel the pain you’ve felt in having to give up so much for us? Well, I’ll tell you one thing, that’s selfish.
I don’t want your love anymore. Every night before I go to sleep I say a prayer to you and I end it with “I love you.” Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to say those words? I can’t fathom how many times I’ve said them and had my heart broken because of those stupid, stupid words. This isn’t the worst of it though, you allowing my friend to take his own life, my cousin to finally get his angel wings, and another good friend to die of cancer. I’ve had much worse sorrow, some of it of my own. Because I want to believe that those I’ve loved are going to a better place even if I don’t believe it myself sometimes. I need to believe it for their sake, not mine.
But it’s not fair. You didn’t have to give me all this love inside of me, this big heart that loves too much and too deep. I can only give so many pieces of it away before there is nothing left. I can only have it broken and mended so many times before it shatters completely. I’ve lost so much, and I know that I don’t deserve to complain, there are so many others who have lost more in their lifetime than I have in just my eighteen years. But I have to wonder if it ever gets better, or easier, not to hurt. I guess your the only one that could tell me that, you lost a son once to, so how long does it take to get better?
I can carry burdens. I’ve been doing it for years so I’m used to it. But I can’t carry this guilt around, the guilt that means I’m going on with my life while everyone I love around me loses theirs to things outside of their control. A disease, an accident, a sickness. I feel so guilty all the time for leaving them, but I know they would want me to go on, to keep going and living because that’s what your supposed to do when your young. If only it were that simple for me…
So I only have one question for you: In all this pain, in all this grief and strife people go through on a daily basis, where are you?
6 comments
I know how you feel all the pain the torment, you wear your heart on your sleeve try to do some good, but to no avail. I have loved so many times i have forgotten, and each time i have had my heart ripped out. the only thing i can say to you is, everyones love is unique and it sounds like you have a lot of love in you. its a shame because my heart is almost done. Keep loving if not for yourself then for those who have none.
I’m sorry for your pain. I can’t offer you any words to help with that. However, your comments about God raise a question. So here is something to ponder and in so-doing, you may possibly find some solace:
Nietzsche, the philosopher wrote that ‘Man creates God in his own image’. I see the truth in this when I observe those who talk about God. I see loving and just people who believe in a loving and just God. I see strict, ritual-oriented people who believe in a strict, ritual-oriented God. I see intolerant, angry, hate-filled people who believe in an intolerant, angry, hate-filled God.
I draw the same conclusion from this as Nietzsche. The God you chose to believe in reflects not some over-reaching truth about God, humankind and the world, but the ideas, values, and prejudices of an individual or group of individuals.
You may wish to consider believing in a God that reflects the reality of the world as you perceive it and not the God that some religious people have created and pre-digested for you.
Good luck to you.
trust me because of god your friends are in a way better place
trust me because of god your friends are in a way better place.
trust me because of god your friends are in a way better place..
and you say you love him thats great because he loves you too