I just joined today and this is my third post already. I can’t believe how supportive people are on here. I’m really glad I found this. I glad I found people who feel like me.
Sometimes I wonder if I just want to leave because I’m not strong enough to handle the stress that is life, but I’m not stressed. I feel like I barely have feeling anymore, I’m just just here as a statue, as nothing. What is my life anymore? I work 3 jobs, all I ever do is work and drink. I’m not an alcoholic but I might as well be with the way my life is it wouldnt make a difference.
No one knows about this, well not how serious it is now anyways. A couple friends know I’ve cut and others have seen the cuts/scars but I just brush it off. I dont want people to know because the last thing I need is people feeling sorry for me and trying to change me. This is who I am and this is how I feel. I don’t need advice. I don’t need anything. I just like having people who are/have been in my shoes knowing how I feel. I don’t need people who aren’t suicidal tryin to understand because they cant.
My biggest pet peeve about this is when people who aren’t suicidal say that killing yourself is “selfish”. You have no idea until you’ve spent night after night thinking about how the world would be better without you.
2 comments
I get what you are saying and I know that when you are suisidal you are like a wounded animal and other peoples feelings don’t count because the pain of trying to cope overwelms your sence of mind.ive attempted 13 times I’m a failiar at it basically but I get suisidal on and off so I get where you’re comming from welcome to sp everyone here does understand on some level we are all different with different issues but nice to chat with like minded people without being judged
You hit on two points.
1) People have no clue how HARD it is to actually attempt/commit suicide. First, it is not easy (guns seem too gross too me and cars accidents could hurt others – so that is not an option). But to kiss your kids “goodbye” and then swallow a bottle of pills is freakin HARD. Been there.
2) Barely have feeling anymore? Yup. The phrase I nod to is ‘more dead than alive’. I work, i come home, i go to sleep. NOTHING makes me smile beyond an instant – kinda like when you hear a good joke. But then right back to the dead inside.
BUT, we both know (I hope you know) that our brains are messed up right now. In time (IF you give it time) things will get better.
I hope you will try to hang in there. Someday we should have a drink and laugh about how messed up we were back then……