Hi. I found this site completely by accident. I thought I would say something. Forgive me if it is a bit scattered. I guess I should not complain really. I have more material things than some. I just feel so alone. I am so unsure why I am here. I really serve no purpose. Honestly, I don’t. I want to leave so bad, but reading some of the posts, I also feel if I try to kill myself and fail, then what then, I will be a burden. I just don’t fit in anywhere. I honestly do not want to be like everyone else; the “How are you doing?” people, they seem all the same. But, if you aren’t, then people think you are just crazy. People laugh at me; I’m not sure why. I see it a lot. If it just happened once, it would have been OK, but it is consistent. I have expressed my feeling to people before and they get nervous; I know they do not know what to say. I lost my job about a year ago, primarily because of this crappy depression, and have not been able to find a new job. In the mean time, I have gained weight, and I just hate myself more. I am lodged between hanging myself in the garage and picking myself up and losing weight and trying, once again, to get better. I have tried in the past and have felt better for awhile and slipped back into the mire. I just wish I was no longer here. I don’t want to deal with any of this. I feel so awful, all the time. I want it to stop. I want to be normal, but never have been. Sometimes I envy people who are killed in various accidents. I know that sounds terrible; why couldn’t be me? I am just, here. Taking up space. I told you this would ramble, sorry. I don’t know why I am left and other go. I’m just lost.