Every time I’m drunk I feel deeply suicidal, even if im with good friends or family. I feel my mild depression flares up into clinical depression and im actually ready to make an attempt to end my life when ive had a certain amount of alcohol. The simple answer is to give up drinking but I feel that when im drunk enough, I can make the attempt. Ive never attempted suicide before but I feel its going to happen very soon. Life just isnt working out for me at all, im not built for it… I think too much and thats my problem, every single little detail I have to do and sort out in my life, I fuck up because I over-think everything and then never do it.
I remember my mom once telling me that a nurse in the hospital I was born in said ‘he is going to be a thinker’ because my hand was up against my head. My head is always racing, she was right.. I will always remember that comment.