im dyslexic so some of my writing may read oddly. i am planning on taking my life.  i am female mid twenties and have been through the exhausting trial and error of meds ,GPs and counselors. my real issue is social exclusion and bullying. i m an easy target since i m painfully shy , unattractive , and i  am almost incapable of smiling, and being able to talk with flow and interest. i was a mute child and i find social situations very difficult. the only work i can get is retail , this is traumatic for me as talking to some difficult people can lead me with shakes, sweats , and  exstream anxiety. i am probably branded as a ‘workshy’ i had a job for 5 years which lead me to a mental breakdown, i wrote a letter of apology to the company, they fined me, i saw someone from  my old work  in the street who gave me a look like i was dirt.  my doctor suggested i ‘get back into the world of work’ i felt so hurt and patronized by his comment and his general attitude towards me, i do not trust doctors.  i am interested in hearing peoples stories/methods, would like to make online friends perhaps before i go.  :o(
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don’t kill yourself, it’s not worth it, i’ve tried to many times and im only 14, i don’t know why i stopped but im glad that i did, and im also a victim of self harm
I’m dyslexic too. The only bad part about it is that I want to be a writer when I get older -_- however I’m at least going to try. Writing is the only thing that gets me through the day and it keeps my mind off of my ex. Try to ignor those people who are jerks to you, they arent worth getting upset over
I know how you feel… As far as social situations go… If there is more than 2 people (including myself) I have trouble saying a single word… Ive never been able to speak in front of a audience and even talking on the phone to strangers can cause extreme stress.
It is traumatic and a lot of people cant understand this. Each horrible encounter adds to the last until you become a complete hermit. Normal people cant understand how draining interaction can be.
I feel for you, Jan26. I know what social isolation is like. I came on to this site because suicidal thoughts still cross my mind at times especially when I feel lonely. You would never imagine it from someone like me. I am positive, attractive, loving mother of 2 kids, etc.
We have moved for my husband’s career and each time I keep breaking any social support that I had built. I have been lonely all my life and each time we move I have to start over again. I have no one that I can turn too. I know that some friends/family would like to be helpful to me but they are so awful at it that I just can’t confide in them. My husband is a good man but not capable of supporting my emotional needs—we live like roommates even though we do love each other and that breaks my heart more. He doesn’t know if he is capable of feeling love for anyone really—other than the kids–that he feels and knows he does–but with me, he does not feel a deep heart love that we had both thought we had for each other. It would be less painful to be alone but our kids are still little and need both parents. We are both mature enough to put their needs first but I feel alone every day.
I don’t trust psychologist/drs much either. I had a few bad incidents in college that lead to a misdiagnosis that almost destroyed my life. (actually it was a healthy reaction to unhealthy situations but in a crazy world, it’s the sane person who gets locked up) After 2o years of avoiding discussing any mental issue with any professional, I have finally met a general practitioner Dr whom I like and trust and a psychologist that I am just getting to know. Both of whom were completely appalled by what had happened and the fact that I have gone so long without incident without any interventions/medications has pretty much proven that I was never mentally ill—just misdiagnosed.
I don’t know what words to say to help you but I could use a friend too. I would like to hear from you if you’d like to get to know me. Having a friend can really take the edge off painful thoughts. Another good place not to feel so alone is to read the postcards on Postsecret.com You can send in you secret anonymously on a postcard and read those from others. It really connects you to others–BTW: suicidal thoughts are so common as secrets that the site posts the suicide hotline numbers. It’s really okay to have these thoughts…it’s what you do about them and how you choose to change in response to them that matters.
BTW: My 8 yr old son has just been diagnosed with dyslexia and I am in the process of getting him assistance and tutoring. Your misspellings won’t bother me.