Forever in debt to your priceless advice..

I have a story to share. And who best than a bunch of people who I could care less if they judge me… thats right. If you do then fuck you.. People always wonder what makes a man finally pull the trigger.. or swallow the pills; finally have that courage to end their life..

I grew up idolizing and almost worshiping Kurt Cobain. Yet always questioned why he ended his life.. now I understand why.. the pain. the demons life can bring along.. Here is my story..

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Summer of 2010.. I was 17 years old. My girlfriend was the love of my life. I gave everything for her. Even my own family. She had a rough childhood. Abusive father, mother who didn’t care. In fact thats why she and I got along so easily. Her family was like my own. In a way she was just as “damaged” as I was. Coming from a family of heroin abusers and alcoholics. This girl put me through hell to keep with her. She used to cut and I’d stop her every time I could. I’d take and destroy her razors.. One day she finally got one passed me and cut too deep.  She laid bleeding on my floor almost dead.. I wrapped her in a towel and carried her to the highway where we hitched a ride to the hospital…

Week afterwards she stopped talking to me. She was too “disgusted” in herself.. I finally got her eye to eye and she told me she tried to take her life because she was pregnant. I convinced her to keep the baby.. for a while. One day my mom OD’d on Heroine and I had to take her to the hospital.. while my mind was distracted my girl used the few days I had taken to help my mom to get an abortion.. She then disappeared from my findings for a whole month. She wouldn’t tell me where she was. Eventually she sent me a text saying goodbye and she’s sorry. I ask what she was sorry for and she sent me a picture of herself having sexual intercourse with her ex. The picture was labeled “I killed her for a reason” (our child)..
By the time I found Maggie a day later she had hung herself in her grandfather’s basement..

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She left me a note saying she didn’t want to be here.. but she also didn’t want to be there alone.. insinuating that I take my life too…

Something I hold on to each and every day.. she was the only person in the world that paid me any attention. And I will always love her.