To all with ears, let them hear…

I, am a suicide survivor. I know not everyone will believe my story, like I know, but I do ask you to listen to me. I was there.

On a late winter night (seven years ago) I found myself homeless. After SEVERAL suicide “attempts’ (not too too serious ones) I made up my mind, that this was it.  I was Agnostic/Atheist. I wasn’t sure what I believed, yet. I later that night found myself living with a group of drug addicts, not very pleasant. So, I took my razor from my wallet and sliced into my arm, repeatedly. I ate only handfuls of aspirin, and one “Ramen Noodle” over a three day period, because I was starving. I continually cut into my arm, growing colder and colder, and would faint. Over, and over for three days. On, the third day, I found it hard to even lift my arm to cut into myself any more. My strength was depleting from me rather quickly then. I found myself in my final moments, realizing I was about to go if I didn’t stop then. An unexplainable knowing, I was about to commit suicide. Moments later, reflecting on my life, I made my decision, to finish what I had started. I cut deeply into myself, and everything became fuzzy,  fading into black. At that moment, when everything went black, I began to plummet, backwards. Plummeting faster and faster through this pitch black abyss, I could hear the distant tormented screams growing increasingly louder. While I tried to scream for help I was impaled, my body was crushed, inside out, with the most tormenting emotions, beyond my imagination. Such as, depth-less sorrows, vehement  hatred, and the epitome of hopelessness. I knew at that very moment, feeling as though it were an eternity, there was a GOD. Also, I was going somewhere I really did not want to be. Even though I felt as if I was living in “Hell”  for nearly all my life, it was heavenly compared to this. I was not sure if GOD would forgive me, but I said to him, from the utmost depths of my heart, GOD forgive me. Before i could complete my sentence, I saw a light begin to grow from the size of a needle’s point, to an all encompassing warm light, brighter then the sun. And boom, I was alive again. Gasping for air upon my re-arrival. Reflecting on this miracle, I would take for granted. Even after this kind of experience, I took for granted GOD’s grace. I sold my soul, because I was deceived in believing I was damned anyways, seeing as where I went with my suicide.  I continued upon the path of destruction, until I was arrested for a felony charge. I found myself inside a jail cell, all alone, facing prison. I again, repented to the Lord Jesus for my short comings, and again, he forgave me. I regained my soul, and a new gratitude for my life. I know that life can hand us a shitty deck. But, I found that my strength wasn’t enough to fight the world. And when I acknowledge my weakness, I gained the strength through Christ to fight the world for me. We are not strong enough to fight the world alone, and we were never meant to. To all my brother’s and sister’s, those who believe, and those who haven’t yet, please, please, do not give up. If I can survive, anyone can. Never give up hope, if you never give up, then you have never lost. I hold you in my thoughts and prayers, and we are not alone in this. Together we will fight. And together, we will prevail!