Cold Summer-4

I understand people going through things and surviving it. But just because you survive it doesnt mean I can or want to. I dont want help to make things better. there is no more “better” left. When it takes effort for my to type these words, I know Im faded. Everyday gets worse and worse, but the funny part is everynight you go to sleep praying for the next day to be better than the last. He still hasnt answered my prayers to take my life, this is how I know he wants me to take my own. Its so beautiful outside, but yet im so dark. Everyone is happy and enjoying their summer, but im locked inside of this misery and no matter how hard I try I cant get out. Nothing works anymore and Im so sick of this shit. Its coming very very close. Im just trying to extend it so that its peaceful and simple. Planned and coordinated. I dont want it to be dramatic for the 1 person who will know. But its becoming hard to keep putting the inevitable off. why avoid something because of false hope. All the dreams and plans have been snatched and given away. All the hope and dedication has been taken advantage off. Out with the old and in with the new right.wrong. Sorry to whoever is reading this and doesnt get it. I know what im typing doesnt make sense Im just typing as the words come to my head and flow out my finger tips.