Hell.

I really don’t know how to cope right now.

I’m going to have to get a medical withdrawal from my calculus class because I can’t pass it.  Making this summer a waste, and leaving me with nothing to do until August when the fall semester starts.  I feel like the new medication I’m on is making me anxious and easily tearful- once I start crying, it’s so hard to stop.  I feel like I’m almost always on the verge of tears.  Smoking weed has been the only thing that has ever helped, even in the slightest, but since I’m trying to get a job, I can’t smoke for awhile.

I feel like such a failure.  I feel so stupid.  I keep trying, but I’m just getting so goddamn tired.  Simply existing is exhausting.

Doesn’t help that I have no friends.  Not really.  I realize that not living in the same place makes it hard, but it’s like they don’t even try.  I tried to reach out to one of my old friends, but he was just dismissive, saying “I feel like you’re upset about nothing” before I could even tell him how I’m feeling.  I have my girlfriend, thankfully, but she has her own problems and I don’t want to always be running to her crying.

It’s feels impossible to distract myself.  I’m too depressed to have any interest in doing, well, anything.

I hate being like this.