i honestly don’t care whether or not i die. if a car drives towards me. sure, i’ll jump to safety. its natural. and wayyy to messy. i heard that girls end their cycle through pills n shit.. boys do it the messy way, shotguns or roadkill. i don’t care much though. its ok.
i just wished nobody cared. it would have been easier to be me. so. my gran found out im smoking. she started off like god was against me. i ended the conversation with saying: why would god care if i provoke cancer when children starve to death somewhere else.
my life might not seem difficult to you others. but its like my skin is on fire. it hurts to live.
one day. i walked by a yard where this guy was cutting down some branches with a chainsaw. i imagined that he would walk up to be. kiss me on the cheek and cut me in half with it. and i was screaming: yeahh! ravage me!
i get why people want to live. i do. i really do. even i want children. a dream house by a lake with bright colors. but it still wont change my programming if you get me.
i have will to live. but i cant wait to give up. i dont even wana kill myself. its like im carrying a stone. once i drop it. i just fall to the ground and die.
and im so tired of people telling me: hold on. it gets better. but WE’RE NOT ALL THE SAME..
my problems ain’t your problems. your problems ain’t my problems. get me.
im not like. oh no im not supposed to exist.. im just tired of all this shit. walking around in this useless body. why not pure energy. that would make me happy.
one night. i guess you can call it a nightmare. but its was a good dream to me. i was standing in a city. and a nuke was set of. i felt a huge blast hit me and then the air was on fire. it was wonderful.
wish i could go to somewhere else. where some starving child is. trade places. let him/her live where i live. and i live where he/she lives. that would off been poetic.
please no comments about how perfectly wonderful life is gonna be later.. this is not something that just happened to me, i’ve been this way since i was little.
9 comments
I feel the same way you do, i hate it when people say itll get better and ithat i just need to wait cause ive been waiting and its only been getting worse. The only reason i havent killed myself is because i start feeling guilty for how its going to make my family feel. I also dont care for life, mine sucks, im going to start doing drugs that are easy to overdose withso if i do overdose itll be an accident so i wont feel guilty
i dont care if anyone in my family cries after i pass. nor friends. its my life. im not gonna continue to torture myself with walking around in this ridiculous human body for another 50-60 years just for my family.
top things people say helps you make your life feel better
1. boyfriends/girlfriends. -tried it. doesn’t change the fact that im just fucked up or live on another plane then others
2. get a hobby, -and what?. keep doing the same shit forever? i don’t need that
3. picture your future bright. -didn’t work on me. honestly. i freaked out my shrink.-
but anyway. i dont want anyone to kill themselves. i probably wont ether. im just saying. fuck it. i cant wait to leave this endless roller-coast of constant disasters. just breathing hurts
sometimes mrporkchop. i just wish someone abducted/kidnapped me. cus i would make them kill me. i would mess with their minds so much that i leave them no alternative but to shot me.
i did OD once. that was on painkillers. the package said: take 1 every 6 hours.. i took 10 of them and drank a glass of pure vodka. i was so pissed off when i woke up at the hospital. and i regret that act. but sometimes. even to date. i cant control my actions. i might open a wine bottle and swallow 1 painkiller. just as a tease to myself. and i say: will i wake up tomorrow?..
You say you don’t want anyone to care but obviously you do, your words are out of anger, life only gets better if you want it to, so if you really want to be left alone or battle other peoples words and opinions tell them this:
“I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.â€
― Jimi Hendrix
i didnt mean i dont care that you read this in a literal sense. i just ment that im tired. i don’t expect anyone to understand. most people don’t- but thanks for the comment
I know how you feel, i sometimes wish that when im walking around some gunmen will run up and kill me there, it would be good just to end everything so suddenly. That sucks that it didnt work when you tried to OD, but maybe thats a sign that you shouldnt kill yourself, but i dont know.
I hope my quote made you a little stronger.
message me… i really hope youre still alive. my number is 3236954635
also, my email is mcoronadodms@gmail.com
U need to message me, ur the only one that knows what this burning hellfire is like