I’m exhausted, I don’t feel like I can keep going. My fiance broke my heart a couple of months ago and today he told me he is happier without me. For me every day gets worse. I have been through too much, this was supposed to be my happy ending. I can’t just try again because life is shit and it always ends badly.
If I didn’t have kids I would have done this years ago, now they live with their dad almost full time and are well taken care of. I am too much of a pathetic mess to be anything good for them anyway.
I haven’t eaten in 4 days because my appetite is gone. Tonight I will make a cheeseburger, get really high, and I think it’s time to let go. Life is a tragedy for those who feel and I feel everything all the time. It’s too much and I can’t keep coping. I have tried to reach out, everyone says I will get through this, they can’t see that I just can’t. I can’t keep hurting all the damn time for another 20 years. I’m sorry, I know this is selfish but I just am not strong enough.
6 comments
Hey, cheer up! You have kids that love you and you shouldn’t think that suicide is the answer. Think about how they will feel. Their mom gone. I know I would be lost with out my mom. & You’re fiancee was a mistake, you will find someone better! Everyone has relationships that have their ups and downs and a lot of them will come to an end. But, that just means God changed his mind and found someone else for you. You may not find that someone right away, but he’ll be there soon. Just live your life and be happy! If getting high helps you, get high! Do whatever. Just keep living for your children’s sake. Much love. <3
Search your heart, it knows the answer. The issue isn’t about how your kids view you or anything else but your own perception of your circumstances and that you feel ashamed. You can’t change what you don’t own…so own it all, own your feelings, just own them without judgement and make a choice that you want to feel good…and that bit by bit if you choose to feel good within yourself, you can. But you have to commit to that choice with all your decision making power. Then things can begin to improve.
Deep down you know you’re worth it, and the impact it will have on your children is important…that is a responsibility you must consider. Your children love you unconditionally, and they are teaching you to love you unconditionally to cause they see you as mom, loving mom, perfect in every way. Take care.
I know, they need me, they are the only real reason I am alive. They are amazing and I am so proud of them, I don’t want to hurt them like that. I’m doing my best to keep trying.
I believe life must have tough for you. You must have met many petty tyrants and abused verbally and physically for sometime.
Suffering is not going to end if you keep reacting to it. Stop react and align with your true self. Accept what has happened, throw away the past emotions and old thoughts.
Listen to this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNkr86zZaP4
If life is too tough, accept it. Countless people have been destroyed by the evil in the world, and we are lucky yet not to be annihilated. Stop letting external factors to influence your internal soul. Let it untouched, let go of your assumption. Live in the moment.
If this isn’t enough to calm you down, read “A New Earth†which can be downloaded easily from Google.
Wish peace reside in you.
You are right, it hasn’t been easy, I have been abused and abandoned most of my life. I was raised one of 6 kids so I hate being alone but unfortunately most of the people I let into my life just repeat those patterns for me. I spent 2 hours on the phone with a man from the crisis hotline last night, I made it to another day. I don’t know how to keep going and do more days but I guess that’s the point of the journey. I just wish I could feel good for a little while, I wish my heart could have a break.
Enigma…. HOPE you are still around.
I HOPE you will consider talking more. How can I help?? Please let me know.
James – gbguy1970 at yahoo dot com