I haven’t been on for a few months, and a few years before that, I just didn’t have a computer to get online with. Anyway, everytime I’ve tried killing myself before (I’ve seriously stopped counting) a “miracle” (in the words of the doctors) happened that kept me alive. I’m gonna try again tonight, the only thing is that I don’t want to be alone when I die. It’s pathetic, but I was born alone and I literally raised myself, I just want to not be alone this one time. Anyway, good luck to you all and I’ll see you in another […]
July 2012
. My “hidden” boyfriend of two and a half years committed suicide August 29th, 2011. Â No one knew about us. and cause he was 5 years older then me, we decided that it would probably be the best idea for no one to know. Â I only saw him 5 times while we were together.. crazy I know, but I believe it was love that kept up together. The last time I saw him he was upset with his father, and he said to me, ” Â i’m just going to kill myself” and I didnt believe him. I beat myself up daily for it. I dont […]
This place is so different. I haven’t been on in so long but everything has changed. This place used to be the best place to come when I was suicidal or something but now….now everyone just judges and has an enormous attitude. I hate it here now. All the people the I knew on here are gone. Posts have changed….rules have changed. It makes me so sad to think that this place will never be the same.
My name is Nell, im 27. The only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause I found my cousin after he did. I was brought up to always try and got hard till I makes it, and I have been doing that but havent made nothing but problem for myself and those who cares for me. I slowly lost everything and I havent found a way to get it back. I look for jobs and have not luck, I even got to school and have to sit out due to car wrecks, life issues, etc. I help others but can never figure oit […]
I have done some bad things throughout my life and have paid the price. However, when i do my best to do the right thing and make it work i am met with opposition on every corner. I want simple things. I met a woman after i was released from prison and have been with her ever since. She was my first everything. I ‘ve taken care of every member of her family. Was a father to her children. Taught them the right way. I have helped others along the way out of the goodness of my heart, not for anything in return. Hell, i […]
Regrets are such set backs for me. For example, today, I was thinking about when I lost my virginity (I mentioned this in a previous post). I try not to to think about it too much, but, it kept coming into my mind today…
Anyway, I was thinking what a stupid decision it was. How I could have turned this guy down and just not have done it in the first place. I remember, the day of, I felt great, confident, and just really cool ( as any 13 year old would after having sex…). Same with the day after, only a few very close friends […]
“I know exactly how you feel”.
With all due respect, no you don’t. Nobody knows exactly how anyone else feels. The only person that knows exactly how you feel is you. The only person that knows exactly how I feel is me.
Whilst many of us here have had similar experiences, there are differences within us and within those people and events that have driven us to our respective points. To say “I know exactly how you feel” might be well intentioned, but it is glib and patronising.
I know you’re trying to help. I always want to help. Whilst I may relate to someone else’s feelings and experiences, […]
Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me
Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I’m left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don’t forget
Don’t forget
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
like the title says. why am i even trying? i try to be your friend. not your backup plan. you led me on, just like you do with the boys. you leave me when a better option comes along and when you have a argument you come back to me. what the fuck is with that? you wonder why i’m always with your ex? because we both fucking know what its like to be used. if i say anything to you your two minions have to join the argument. i say ”we arent as close as we are anymore, whats up with that” you dont say […]
A friend who wished I would have allowed her to be my girlfriend jumped off a bridge and died. I was once late for work because I spent time talking to somone
who was on the other side of the bridge.  There was no mention of a death so figure had a part of preventing a death that day.
I myself have survived a number of near deaths many of them the result of
extreme depression. There have been even more times than I will remember when my formula kept me from slicing an vein: “if the issue is I do not want to live any longer because the pain is […]
I don’t know.
Am I alive? It’s hard to say.
This is what I know. There is something which refers to itself as “I,” and this something exists. “I” can see systems at work everywhere. Processes running to accomplish various goals, some for no reason at all, and everything feeds and retrieves virtual information from everything else.
Other people do not exist. Only mapped neural networks which grow and branch out, and feed virtual information to other mapped neural networks, and retrieve virtual information from other mapped neural networks. Society is the system of all such mapped neural networks. It is the overall mapping of these neural networks.
This […]
Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can’t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now he’s gone
No one but me can save myself
But it’s too late
Now I can’t think
Think why I should even try
Yesterday […]
Life: A whole bunch of disconnected thoughts and unsatisfied feelings
I wish I could say, “Not sure how I got to this point.” But I know exactly what happened.
Two people who clearly didn’t love each other engaged in a relationship and produced a baby girl.
I’m 21 years old and have done nothing but exist. Fuck, I can’t even seem to find the right words to explain whats happening to me. To try and make sense of the shit that I always seem to get myself into.
I’m fat. Disgustingly so.
I love food. Its an addiction.
I’ve battled with depression for about 10 years now. I’ve never gone and seek professional help. Any time I did think about it, my legal […]
Distraction… Just… distract myself… He’s in the shower and when he gets out, hopefully he goes out to play… No more of those evil words… Reminding myself to breathe so I don’t pass out. Trying not to cut. I want to bleed, I wanna hurt… God… What’s wrong with me?…
I guess I’ve been keeping everything inside for a while, so I figured here would be as good a place as ever to let it out…
Please don’t judge, I know what I did was wrong and inappropriate.
Let’s see, it all started in March, when I Â lost my virginity. At 13. I know this was a huge stupid mistake, and there really isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t regret it. It happened on a Saturday, and by the time I got to school on Monday, everybody knew. So, of course it didn’t take long for my parents to find out as well. My dad […]
Like I said im new to this site, carnt beleive ive found it
Today is my husband’s birthday. He’s stuck 40 miles away with no way to get home, trying to scrape together the rent. No one in his family has so much as offered him a ride. Nice bunch of people, really.
I just talked to the social worker who is handling my kids’ case. She says we’re doing “great.” I can’t believe her. We hear how “wonderful” we’re doing every time we talk to these assholes, but then we go back to court and every time its the same thing. Nope, can’t have the kids back. Need to jump through more hoops. Need to pay out more […]
im so fucking over it! fuck being a teenager. fuck being treated like your worthless. fuck having no one that cares about you. fuck being lonely. fuck my life.
im gonna do it. im finally going to end all this bullshit. i cant sleep, eat or even concentrate. my daydreaming is getting worse, i cant tell reality anymore. my minds so fucking twisted, my body aches, i can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. im dead, i just dont know it yet.
i jigged school today. i came home and i was alone. i drank till i could barely stand up, and […]
My mom raised me all on her own. I Love her and everything but my dad I dont understand why he left my mom said he left as soon as I was born my whole life I blamed myself for my dad leaving my mom. every now & then when he comes around I can never bring up why he left cause he never has time for me. He never pays child support but yet can support two kids instead of me & my brother. I dont understand why hes so cruel I stood up for him my whole life while my mom & her […]