I really never imagined feeling like this. It was a classic case of “this won’t ever happen to me.” My mom died, fucking cancer. Yesterday makes it 8 months ago. It feels like yesterday and forever all in one. I keep trying to believe people when they say it will get easier. I really want it to be true, but so far it is just getting harder and harder. I’m 24 now. I have a good job and things in my life are going decently, but i just don’t care. I am tired of waking up. I just want it to be over. I want to go see my mom, or just not exist at all. She truly was my best friend and without her I am completely lost. I am  trying to do the right thing and keep going, but everyday is harder than the last. I don’t want to hurt the few people that do care about me, but how do you just go on existing for the sake of existing?
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My sincerest condolences.
Have you had any sort of grief counselling? Grieving can be a very complex process, and it can take years to get past in some cases. The fact you have people in your life that care for you is an advantage, but I also undertstand they may not be able to relate as they may not have experienced such a profound loss.
All the best.
Cancer is a cruel beast. I was 22 when I beat it. My little brother was 24 when it took him. It robbed me of my mother in law and ex father in law as well. The survivor’s guilt is the worst. Or at least for me it has been. I don’t think it gets easier, and it still feels like my brother would be in his room or something, not dead at all, but it also feels like forever or yesterday that he passed though its been 12 years. It doesn’t get easier… Maybe we just get used to the burden? Everyone grieves differently. Its rough, but remember your mother and what she would want for you.
Your mother wouldn’t want anything more than for you to be happy, to live the life you’ve always wanted. Keep that in mind. To give up would only disappoint her, hurt her. You need to be strong for her.
I think about what she would want for me…but she would want me to be happy. she wouldn’t want this for me. I just go through the motions every day. And I know that’s what people say, but she isn’t here anymore, i can’t disappoint her. I can’t make her proud either. I got a new job that is really good, and it just means nothing.