What I Dont Think people will ever understand

Over the past years Ive passed trough many deceptions in life, and passed trough a slowly deteriorating medical condition that to this date has no cure, because of collateral damage from Dengue, transmited by mosquito and common in tropical zones. Why did I had to have the complications I’ve no Idea, and I consider it un fair, specially when I’ve seen people die from cancer, people having Zeizures allmoust daily when I was being treated in the hospital, and allways living in fear that other people could get me sick. My condition is a mix of a lot of mineral deficiencies and damage to the liver and spleen wich is allways over sized. Even trough all the bad experiences at the hospitals I managed to push forward with all the pain and bad memories and all the broken dreams of finding true love. Then things just got worse, so many things went wrong at the same time that doctors didint let me go to sleep in the hospital because i could just die. honestly if it werent for my mother I would have died because I’ve given up at the time. only 7 months has passed since my medical crisis and im still having flash backs of the caos of nurses, the blood transfusions and all the shit just to keep me alive and honestly im in my limit. Ive been fighting and fighting, but things simply wont stop treathening to get worse. So many false alarms, feeling so much fear when someone of my age 21 should be having anything but. People that havent passed trough heavy dissease will never understand how people like me feel. They may say they understand, but to understand, you have to feel the pain, the suffering that feeling when you know that its all over. Ive thought of suicide…but honestly because Im a coward I wont do it, but if things get worse again I dont plan to fight anymore its simply too much, one can only have a limit to the pain one can carry, I certantly feel at my limit.