I have been through hell and back for the past five years. As a college student I also work part time in order to earn some cash/experience at a medical job. I always thought I was a self-assured person until my part time job started to make me feel like ending my life. I had never felt that way before and I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling. I felt trapped and I felt like if I ever left that job people would just think of me as a quitter. The part that bothered me the most is that I didn’t understand why I let these people have so much control over my life. I worked in a place where I walked through the door and either the people I worked with were my best friends or they completely hated me. I would walk in, greet them and they would say nothing to me and turn their heads. They would whisper and gossip about me in the corner. I would feel such anxiety because I couldn’t wrap my brain around what I could have possibly done that day to make them so angry with me. The next week that I came into work they would give me a joyful “HELLO!!” when I walked through the door and would ask me about my day. I started to think about what I could have possibly done differently that day that would make them “like me” today rather than last week. It started to make me lose my sanity. The days I didn’t go to work I was thinking about going to work. I couldn’t sleep at night because I had anxiety about working with them. When I entered the parking lot my heart would race and my hands would shake so incredibly bad. I figured if I just put a smile on my face I could make anything go away. A couple of days ago on my day off I had my breaking point. I couldn’t take it anymore. I spent the entire day crying uncontrollably. I couldn’t stand the thought of spending another day on this planet. I saw no end in sight for the long, black, winding tunnel of darkness that my life had become. I hated my life because this job was completely taking over my happiness. I told my mom I didn’t want to live anymore. She asked me what I was talking about. She knew I was unhappy at my job but she never knew just HOW unhappy I truly was. She told me that no job was ever worth feeling that way and if I was worried about money she could help me until I found a new job. I couldn’t believe what she said. I thought for sure she would think I was a failure…but she didn’t. The very next day I gave them my two weeks notice. I have about a week left at my job and the people that I work with are being more mean to me than they have ever been during the entire time that I have worked there. I have one friend who works with me at that job and they have been grilling her for details about me. Everyday I come in to work she updates me about what they have said about me. They have told her I am incredibly ungrateful and that all that they ever did was try and be nice to me and that they always “bent over backwards” for me. They laugh about me and say that I’ll never get hired anywhere else and I have nowhere to go. Since I have worked at my job for five years, my boss was completely dumbstruck when I told him the news. He wanted to have a meeting with me immediately along with some other people that are his bosses. I told them every single detail and every single thing that those people did to me. They were completely shocked and told me that they would address the problem. They asked if they could do anything that would make me stay because I had worked so hard for them. I told them that they couldn’t do anything to make me stay but I said, please, please, address this problem and make sure that it is fixed because whoever the new person is that takes my place will be the new victim, and I would NEVER want anyone to go through what I have gone through. They assured me that they would take care of the problem…The downside is that now that the people I worked with know that I had a meeting and they have started to make up lies about me. They say that I am “out of control” and “screamed at them.” Which is completely untrue. Instead of letting their comments eat me alive like they used to, I am realizing for the first time that this is what true bullies do. Even though these people I worked with are grown adults, they are still bullies. My friend told me the greatest words that I continue to read everyday to get through until my last day at my job, “They are going to say alot of things to still be the bullies in this situation and make themselves look powerful. They don’t wanna accept that you’re standing up to them. Don’t let this stress you out. They were always like this and they will stay like this. Nothing that they say matters. Everything that they say is a lie and does nothing but hurt you more and more. You walk with confidence and be assured that they will feel your dominance because you won this. In such a perfect, civil way, you’re putting them in their place.” I read those words every time I need strength. For the first time, in a long time, I feel freedom. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I felt like I needed to post this story for anyone who has gone through bullying like I have, I want you to know that life is not supposed to be this hard and that no job is EVER worth putting up with bullying. Quitting does not mean that you are a failure. There was no way that I was ever going to “blend in” with those people, and why would I want to? I would never want to hurt ANYONE the way that they hurt me. Being different is a GOOD thing.
1 comment
Abso blooming lutely, freedomexists! I could not agree more. I’ve experienced ‘adult’ bullying myself in a workplace, it was complicated for me by the fact that my partner also worked there and one of the bullies was a close friend of mine!
However it’s really good that you’ve had this insight, with a little help from your friend, into the situation here. Not everyone achieves that straight away. People can and do have breakdowns over this stuff. Thank God you realised that no job was worth the campaign of psychological torture these people inflicted on you.
There’s a book by a guy called Tim Field called Bully In Sight. A lot of it is about psyching the bullies out by understanding where they are coming from and therefore being a step ahead. I remember one of his maxims ‘Only the best are bullied’. There’s something in that. A lot of it is jealousy- and insecurity-related. They knew you were better than them, at your job and as a human being, Freedomexists. Your boss’s desire not to lose you is a testament to that.
I’m so glad, as well, that your Mum was supportive. Having that kind of emotional support is also key to recovering from this kind of thing. But give yourself time to get over this…bear in mind bullying can leave psychological scars, but I think that reading about the phenomenon of bullying from people like Tim Field can be very helpful…at least it was for me.
I wish you the best, as you deserve, and good luck in your next endeavours. Zx