Howdy!

You know I don’t know if I consider myself necessarily suicidal so some of you may think that I’m misusing this website, but I am just so tired. So god damn tired of everything. I’m tired of being strong and putting a smile on my face when I don’t want to, I’m tired of being called a “cold *****” even if it is a joke. I just wish (and i know it is a long shot) but I wish my parents loved each other as much as they love me. They fight and he throws things at her and stomps out of the house and I have to wait until he comes back and make him apologize. They’ll never divorce, it isn’t in our culture. And it isn’t that I don’t love and adore them, I just can’t respect them. It makes me so tired. My friends are also a reason for this- i had a next door neighbor when I was young and we grew up together. She had an even less balanced home than I do and she cut herself and starved herself and tried to commit suicide… I was three years younger than her but she always came to me for advice because I was so mature for my age, so at age 8 I sat there and put ice on her self inflicted wounds and thought “what the heck is the point?” Now she calls me up and says that she got raped… And I can’t even make myself care. Am I a terrible person?

So. Tired. Please tell me that these scars go away.

With Love

AK