In October of last year, I was going to hang myself. I was living over six hours away at school. No one I knew there. Grades dropped to an all time low. Before I could do it, my mother withdrew me and brought me home, yelling the most obscene things at me. She knew nothing of my self harm or plans, and she made me feel like worse shit than I am. I went to the local high school again. Things got worse, but also better. I got a girlfriend. A good friend of mine died. So did my grandpa. I can’t bear to outlive anyone else. Especially not my grandma, though I think she resents me for having no interest in either sex or men.
In the course of a year, I gained hundreds of scars. Many people have told me repeatedly to kill myself, my nine-year-old brother included. Both of my brothers treat me like crap, and my mom usually does too. She refuses to take me to therapy, a psychiatrist, anything. Junior year is about to start. I don’t know what to do. I’m just living for my best friends and like two percent of my family. My father probably wouldn’t even care if I did it. He didn’t care about my granpa, whom he loved. I just know that it would take about ten minutes, and I’d never have to deal with anything again. I’m so scared of myself right now.
4 comments
We never ask to be put in a family we just get put there and they’re all we’ve got no matter what they are still our family. I haven’t talked to any of my siblings or my mother or my father for 4 years. As much as they say they want you to die they’d be sorry once you’re gone. School is a pain in the ass and 99% of those people you will never see again. I hope whatever you do you think it through first and people do care.
whether or not u go through with your plans, I wish you all the best.
NOTE: high school is all around hard for ALL people. Try not to factor in the problem in high school as that high school bs is temporary and soon will pass.
I just want out, somehow. My friends and I plan to move out as soon as possible, but that’s years away, and it seems like it won’t happen. Running away isn’t a good option, neither is suicide. Living in my head and being totally indifferent, that’s what I’ve been doing, and it works to some extent.
I’ve been traped in my head for so long. what I know now is that living in my head with my thoughts is a bad place to be. when i by myself im in bad company. Your still in HS, please get out and try to live your life. go for it. I wish i had someone to shake me up in middle school when I started to get down and depress