Hi everyone,
I currently just started the 11th grade in high school, I take all ap classes and play two sports for my high school .I know alot of people at my school and i have alot of people that i consider friends and close friends.But most importantly im involved in community service organizations to help others in their horrible situtions as much as i can.But its very ironic to me because now a huge 360 has accured and now im the one searching for a solution in my life. My problem consists because i feel really alone in my social life, however it hurts me alot because i have a very caring family that supports and loves through the thick and thin. But this time i feel as though i cant turn to them for help this time because first of im embaressed and secondly i have to much pride to admitt im depressed and have sometimes thought of suicide as a cure. I have always been a very insecure person about the time i was 12 and i feel as though people are always staring at me or even worse talking about me. So i mostly walk down the halls with my head down looking akward as all the people around me sense a very insecure person whos shy. Whenever im in a big group with my friends im the one whos always quiet and on the outskirts of the circle hearing everyone else talk about what they did on the weekend.I can never join in because i rarely hangout with anyone on the weekends cause my friends have never texted me or called me to hangout. Im also the one whos forgotten and when they do feel like hanging out with me my first reactions are what if they are using me or is this just a joke. So im always on the defense when it comes to talking with them or horribly enough with strangers and i end up having a very akward moment with about anyone i come in contact with.A second defense i have with my insecurities is  my horrible problem with staring,i usually end up staring at random people who i feel as though they are doging me out and sometimes i continuesly stare at the same person mulitple times during the school year. i have recently felt as though suicide is the only solution to my lonelyness in life. But the only thing holding me back is i will only go out is if i have a gun and most importantly im just flat out scared to do it.But its been getting progessily worse as the days go by. I guess my problem is i dont have some people who i can call best friends or friends who want to hangout with me. But no one in my life really as ever wanted to hangout with ime ad i  cant figure out why. It  makes me feel horrible as a person because i feel useless. And worst yet i feel like people just laugh at my presents and dont respect me as a person and to me my heart has been shattered at the simple fact that my friends dont see that i have feelings also and jsut want to be shown a little friendship and i want them to show me they want to hangout with my and give me a little worth to my life.Sorry if this is badly written.
sincerly, me
4 comments
It sounds like killing yourself would be a pretty drastic thing to do given the situation. You’re friends don’t ask you to hang out, do you ask them? I’m just like you always worrying about if people are staring at me what they’re thinking. I walk with my head down, or at least i used to before i realized that it was silly to be so attentive. I won’t pretend to know you but in my case not having any close friends was the result of me alienating myself. It sounds like you could probably get help for social anxiety ever think of seeing someone about it? I think this is something you can overcome please don’t give up. Find a way to stop caring so much about what other people think about you and just be comfortable with yourself live your life and don’t worry about them. If you do that close friends are sure to come.
thanks for responding what sort of help is there for social anxiety?
Well if it’s really bad you can seek therapy, but i think it’s something you can deal with on your own. Believe me i used to sweat in class if i was surrounded by people and visibly start shaking if i felt nervous, but once you identify your worries as irrational they pretty much go away themselves. How you tried looking up self help websites on the internet?
Dear soccerguy. Cheer up bud :(Ive been were uve been | lots of us have brother.It will pass | Life will get betterThose people u feel reject u when u see themDont worry about it guy. They dont know you.Do what u do and be who u are.Cuase someday highschool will end and it will all just be in the past.And ull probably get married & meet a very special person in yourlife.And have some very awsome friends.And If those people u are hanging with dont take intrest in you.Dont take intrest in them. Find your own click. Break away from themAlso, take intrest in everthing in life. But most importantly take intrest in ur intrest.Cuase the more u know the more intresting ull become to others.I know your gonna find your real friends someday and there gonna be askingyou what your doing and if u wanna hangout.all the time.Theres gonna be a Pot of Gold waiting for u somewere.Heres my email budforerunner07@gmail.comemail me if u need to kI would like to skype with u as will,but for now email me if u need to..k