I currently just started the 11th grade in high school, I take all ap classes and play two sports for my high school .I know alot of people at my school and i haveÂ alot ofÂ people that i consider friends and close friends.But most importantlyÂ im involved in community service organizations to help others in their horrible situtions as much asÂ i can.But its very ironic to me because now a huge 360 has accured and now im the one searching for a solution in my life. My problem consists because i feel really alone in my social life, however it hurts me alot because i have a very caring family that supports and loves through the thick and thin. But this time i feel as though i cant turn to them for help this time because first of imÂ embaressed and secondlyÂ i have to much pride to admitt im depressed and have sometimes thought of suicide as a cure. I have always been a very insecure personÂ about the time i was 12 and i feel as though people are always staring at me or even worse talking about me. So i mostly walk down the halls with my head down looking akward as all the people around me sense a very insecure person whos shy. Whenever im in a big group with my friends im the one whos always quiet and on the outskirts of the circle hearing everyone else talk about what they did on the weekend.I can never join in because i rarely hangout with anyone on the weekends cause my friends have never texted me or called me to hangout. Im alsoÂ the one whos forgotten and when they do feel like hanging out with me my first reactions are what if they are using me or is this just a joke. So im always on the defense when it comes to talking with them or horribly enough with strangers and i end up having a very akward moment with about anyone i come in contact with.A second defense i have with my insecurities isÂ Â my horrible problem with staring,i usually end upÂ staring at random people who i feel as though they are doging me out andÂ sometimes iÂ continuesly stare at the same person mulitple times during the school year. i have recently felt as though suicide is the only solution to my lonelyness in life. But the only thing holding me back is i will onlyÂ go out is if i have a gun and most importantlyÂ im just flat out scared to do it.But its been getting progessily worse as the days go by. I guess my problem is i dont have some people who i can call best friends or friends who want to hangout with me. But no one in my life really as everÂ wanted to hangout with ime ad i Â cant figure out why.Â It Â makes me feel horrible as a person because i feel useless. And worst yet i feel like people just laugh at my presents and dont respect me as a person and to me my heart has been shattered at the simple fact that my friends dont see that i have feelings also and jsut want to be shown a little friendship and i wantÂ them toÂ show me they want to hangout with my and give me a little worth to my life.Sorry if this is badly written.