Sunrise is in 3 hours and 38 minutes. Someone give me one good reason why I should live long enough to watch it happen.
Please, none of this touchy-feely “you have people who care about you” shit. Frankly, I don’t care how my death will affect anyone I know.
Give me a reason to live for me.
26 comments
Reasons? Okay…
1. Sunrises are beautiful. Don’t you want to live to see it?
2. Heavy metal music.
3. Vodka.
4. Dungeons & Dragons.
Yes, I read your bio. :] I hope that isn’t creepy. Hm. haha. Those are definitely reasons for you to live. How can you enjoy the things that you like if you’re dead?
Watching the sunrise can be really cool. Especially if it’s either a clear morning and you can begin to watch it right from the very beginning. It’s something you can immerse yourself in. It’s also free. 🙂
What you do once the sun has risen is your own business. Who knows, maybe after seeing the sun rise, you might think ‘wow, this is cool … I wouldn’t mind seeing it again sometime’. It’s got to be worth a shot.
I understand it’s difficult to find something to live for, and wish I could give you a reason to live. All I can offer is the fact that you are not alone.
Booze, metal, and high fantasy might be things that I enjoy, but are they really worth LIVING for?
I have this little voice in the back of my head that says “Go on, pick up the keys. Go for a nice drive. You already have a nice, solid obstacle to run into picked out. You don’t have to wear your seatbelt. Everything will be over before you even know it. Shhhhh, shhhhh, it’s okay. You don’t have to struggle anymore.”
And it’s getting harder and harder to ignore. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared.
well you put all that work into getting your degree with your double major and all that, don’t you want to put all that effort to some use, or even go further and maybe get your masters. and yea who doesn’t want to crank up the heavy metal chug a bottle of vodka and play some D&D all night! I would have been totally into D&D but I got into playing games on the stupid computer instead and that just killed the imagination and made me to lazy for something more complicated like pen and paper RPG
What do YOU want to live for, DraAtHelvete? You have that little voice, but what about the other little voice that’s keeping you here? What is it saying to you?
Yes, I think enjoying things is a reason to live. Why else would anybody be here? Save for their instinct to survive.
You said you’re scared. Of what? Living or dying?
Now, I know you have a double major (including Physics), therefore I know you have probably already done your calculations. However, I do have a few follow up questions for you:
1. Why choose driving a car into a wall as your method?
2. Do you know exactly at what speed you need to hit the wall at in order to ensure death?
3. How will you guarantee you will maintain that speed? What I’m saying here is how are you going to mitgate the risk of chickening out at the last second and reducing your speed just enough that you survive (but possibly with permanent injury).
4. Is your vehicle fitted with an airbag? If so, have you disabled it?
I tell you what, this whole suicide business is hard work. I had considered running into a stationary object at considerable speed, however I worked out that given the type of motor vehicle I have, I would need to hit an object at something like 120mph, and even then there is no guarantee I would die. The only way I could possibly die in my car is to be hit by a freight train at a level crossing, and I decided against this as I didn’t want to drag a poor innocent train driver into my mess.
If nothing else, thinking about the above might keep your mind active until sunrise.
Beer, girls, horse racing. What more do you need.
@TheGoodGirl:
Honestly, I don’t have anything I want to live for. Mostly, I just want to be left alone. 99% of the things I do in my daily life are so that people won’t get pissed off at me.
The only thing that the other little voice says is “What if you’re wrong, and things only get worse?”
The answer to your last question is that I’m afraid of both. I’m absolutely terrified.
Can I take the “Helvete” part of your username and assume you’re into black metal?
@sansespérer:
1. I chose the car because there doesn’t seem to be any part of my house that is structurally sound enough to support long-drop hanging.
2. No, I don’t. The road I have in mind is long enough that my car should be able to accelerate to its top speed before I reach the end of it, though.
3. There has never been a single thing in my life that I’ve done half-assed when I actually wanted to do it. If I didn’t want to die, I wouldn’t be in that car speeding down a residential street in the first place.
4. That is something I had not considered.
@ThousandCuts:
Yes, you may.
Awesome. I dunno, last time I felt crappy I just got lost in some Darkthrone and Immortal albums for a few hours. I know it’s not a permanent solution.
I know success doesn’t cure depression but as others have mentioned it’s pretty awesome that you earned those degrees you have. At least you accomplished something.
Do you think you have social anxiety or something like that? Just going off of your comment that you mostly want to be left alone.
Wow, DraAt, you sound exactly like someone I know. Almost word for word. Does it help knowing you’re not alone in how you’re feeling? I’m not sure what to say. And I think that because I don’t really know you, I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want to give you the usual platitudes. I think that you should wait to make a decision until you’re absolutely sure you want to end it. You seem unsure. And so I think it’s best to hold off.
Just so many variables we don’t know. We don’t know why you want to do this, etc. But just to live to see the Sunrise then take a deep breath and ask yourself, are you truly commited to this, and are you sure you’ll succeed cause if you’re unsure about either, you better reconsider.
@ThousandCuts:
Part of the reason why I stuck with the degree program is because I thought that at the end of it I would feel… I don’t know, proud? Accomplished? The truth is that I didn’t feel either of those things. I’m an Eagle Scout, too, and that doesn’t do much for me either. I feel like I keep setting goals for myself only to get slapped across the face by emptiness and bitter disappointment when I finally reach them.
I’m fairly certain that I have MASSIVE social anxiety. To be perfectly honest, the hardest part of my day is deciding to walk out my front door in the morning. I’m not sure if simply adding to the number of medications that I’m on is really a solution, though.
I don’t know, no expectations leads to no disappointment. I guess this is sort of counter-productive but stop setting goals perhaps and let life come to you? I’m not sure, I’m young and all, but I understand that feeling. I accomplish something I set out to do but, I don’t feel accomplished or anything, just pretty empty.
@TheGoodGirl:
Knowing that I’m not alone doesn’t really help. It just makes me wonder what everyone else has that I don’t.
I just want to be happy, and I don’t know what will get me there. Every time I try reaching for something that I think will fill the massive hole in my life, I end up finding that it’s not enough. I don’t believe it will ever happen. I think I’m just doomed to go through this cycle of struggling, self-doubt and self-loathing until I finally can’t take it anymore. Life is one big joke, and I’m the punchline.
You seem to be describing how I think/feel… I know it doesn’t mean really anything to you.
I do truly hope you can find at least that one thing, may it be just a sunrise or something more meaningful to you – there’s plenty in life I suppose… Though I think GG said, we can’t really tell you too much, it’s your life and you know yourself. We can give suggestions or maybe things that work for some of us, but I think you really need to spend serious thought on what you want in life – I know you want happiness(which is something to strive for as a goal in life I think), but maybe the how. Especially because you’re terrified of both life and death. Honestly think it’s time to go?
Instead of some ultimatum: Come up with something this instant, or die. Really…?
I know you probably won’t even read this comment. Half the people in here want to kick me out because I’m too damn happy. So you think why should I give you a reason. I can’t possible understand how you feel because I’m glad to be alive. But what I enjoy most is living in the gap. I come here because I find the people willing to die to end it all right here right now are the closest to understanding God, gods, Goddess, whatever you believe. They aren’t fooled by the crap that keeps us preoccupied from understanding what life means, who is pulling our strings. We want to be full we want to be happy. So why the fuck aren’t we allowed it. The people who make the leap are the strongest. But, I ask for a selfish reason, go through the death in your heart, find God, but live so you can tell me about it. I’m so tired of being lonely and sad sometimes. I want to know what it feels like when nothing matters when you find God. So, please live find God in the sunrise and tell me what she looks like.
Wordless, I can relate to much of what you say there. I sometimes worry I’m too ‘happy’ for this site too! But the point is, I’m Bipolar. It’s the nature of the beast to veer from being suicidally depressed to being quite upbeat and positive, which we then have to watch like a hawk in case we take a trip into manic lala land…
I think it’s always nice to hear from people who have come back from the brink, or experienced severe depression but are now feeling more positive. I think we all could use a bit of hope on this site.
And I also find I can relate to how you find the people here closer to’God’. Many people are atheist or agnostic here of course, and we are expressly told not to bible thump (I paraphrase) in the ground rules to SP. But even tho’ I relate more to a ‘higher power’ than to God as such, I think I know exactly what you mean, and it’s that that keeps me returning here. I love these people and feel at home.
Are you sure half the ppl here want to kick you out Wordless? How do you know? If you’re not a troll and you’re doing no harm to anyone (and not making random posts etc etc) I can’t see why anyone would need to resort to that.
Zoe x
Well Dra, hope you’re still there.
Me too. I don’t think he’s fully though the math through, he said as much himself. I also think it would be an enormous waste for such an intelligent guy to remove himself from the gene pool. If there’s anything we need now more than ever, it’s intelligence. Whilst the mainstream may have one believing otherwise, they have a vested interest in dumbing the population down.
*thought