I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar. I’m on anti-depressants but this year everything that could go wrong has! I went from having a home, beautiful Yorkies, nice furniture in a safe and pleasant neighborhood.
Unfortunately, I allowed a fricking crackhead (who did a real good job hiding it) to move in with no money. I thought his addiction was over, it was just covered up well. I wanted him out of the house when I realized this good for nothing creep stole my wallet containing all my ID, insurance cards, debit cards, money etc. Since him stealing from me had become a common occurance, I obtained a 38 special to shoot him with buckshot pellets in the feet thinking the pellets would bounce off the ground and just go up to his knee. Ambulance would come get his crack ass, take him to the hospital and i could find my wallet and pack his shit and put it out by the time he got back home. Didn’t work that way.
He lies to the police and tells them I tried to kill him. So they take me to jail and charge me with attempted murder. I don’t think a jury with any common sense would find me guilty, but from all the stress, my health has taken a downspiral and after a bleeding ulcer, vomiting black looking coffee ground looking blood, I get to the hospital and need a blood transfusion. When I get back to where we (my Yorkies and I) had been staying and with all my healing needs, I couldn’t live with the milliions of roaches on the toilet and everywhere else. I looked to move and couldn’t find anything I could afford since the crackhead stole my entire household full of stuff. Under all the pain and living out of a vehicle (1 bench seat in the front) and the three of us lived there for a weekend. Mother’s Day was the last day I had with my babies. A Yorkie mom and her baby, 6 yrs & 1.4 yrs., I gave them up to a shelter and they were adoped out.
Now I’m healed and I miss my Yorkies, which do not belong to me anymore because in all my pain, I made one of the worst decisions of my life (after letting crackhead in), by giving them up. They were adopted and I’ll never get to hold them, hug them, kiss them, cuddle to sleep at night and play with and walk with and share my life with. They WERE my ONLY family I had.
I hate myself for giving them up. I just want to die for the decision I made. Pets aren’t allowed where I am staying at, but I haven’t the finances to go anywhere. I am saved and have prayed endlessly for the return of my babies, but I know they’re never going to get to see me or vice versa again. I usually would overdose on xanax. you can buy these online along with many other drugs and no rx needed. Stay away from china and india as they sell placebos. I took 120 pills a few days ago because I was pissed off it took 6 weeks to get here, and then they weren’t even real! I started with 1. Waited for some effect. After downing 6-8 I said Fuck It and took the whole baggie of pills. Needless to say, I posted something on fb, cause I was pissed the pills didn’t even make me tired so I could sleep. Two of my fb friends got ahold of my only friend with my phone number. Next thing I know, the police are calling to see if I need help? (Right, like I want to go back to the psyche ward! Fuck you!)
I wish I had a garage~ my vehicle is old enough, I’d go that route! Perhaps one day! I keep praying for God to take me every night in my sleep, but I keep waking up to tears for my Yorkies that will always be in my heart! I will love them till the day I die, which hopefully will be soon.
I have no family as my mother fucked her sister’s husband and I was the offspring. So I was always abused in every conceivable way and hated every day of my life including today, tomorrow and forever. I want out of this torrment and pain. I miss my babies too much!! I want to feel peaceful inside. I’m ready to kick the bucket or bite the dust as they say! Good luck to all and my God bless you and help in your suffering as we all are here on this fucked up planet!!