memories

when memories hit you and they hurt like fuck. i used to be so close with my dad. i could go to talk to him about anything and we would joke and laugh all the time. i was so close to him that probably up until i was 10 he would lay in my bed with me every night before i went to sleep. on weekend mornings just the two of us would walk to get donuts. he watched shows like project runway and so you think you can dance with me just because i asked him too. i used to jump on him everytime he came home from work. and then one day he cheated on my mom. he cheated on her, sued her, divorced her, cut her off, and took all the money from her savings account. and i dont have a relationship with him anymore. and i dont want one anymore. he called me this morning, just to yell at me.

in my room, i have these glow in the dark stars glued to my ceiling, theyve been there since forever. ever since ive gotten depressed ive had a really hard time sleeping. so last night i was lying in my bed at 3 am just looking at my ceiling trying to sleep and i remembered at night my dad and i would lay on my bed and look at the ceiling and he would say ‘look all the stars are out tonight!’ and i would always giggle. and i was staring at the stars and i started crying. i just want my old life back