I have the balls to do what i need to, i just dont have the things i will leave behind prepared yet but really, the way im feeling waking up everyday just kills me, so i find strenth to keep going until i take care of business.
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Aww Atlanta I’m sorry. I truely understand how you feel and what you are saying.
Do you ever try pushing away all those emotions just for a day. When you wake up don’t think of how much pain you’re in or how much you’ve hurt in the past. Don’t think about the other people living happy lives think about yours. Think about that day and what you are going to be doing. Think about the future even if it is just about later that day. Plan one good thing or decide to listen to music all day or do something you really truely love to do. Like me i watch crappy old horror movies when i’m home alone and argue (not really) with WhatAmIDoinhHere about spiderman and batman. 🙂
There is always gong to be business to be taken care of and really do we ever finish gathering what we want to leave behind. I haven’t. I always wonder if it’s enough. If people especially family will ever truely understand y i want to leave. If what i’m leaving behind helps them remember the real me not the sheel they see sometimes. Think wisely about what you chose to leave behind because it all plays a big role in how you are remembered and everyone deserves to be remembered for themself and what they’ve done. You may say you haven’t done much but surviving for this long is a real accomplishment. 🙂
Thanks! I needed that, just a little back ground, ive had a really good life, infact everything anybody could ever want, last year, every fucking thing was taken, family,friends,job,heath,money and so on, im really suprized im even stil standing, ive been robbed,cheated,and so forth, now i dont really have any pieces to even try to rebuild, but hey, its all material, now as for my emotions, thats the worst pain ive been in and still am.. so yea its not easy to say the least, but im also gay and knew i was at age 5.
I know what that’s like trust me. It’s like driving the boat into the icebrge. A little dent then all of a sudden you’re takin on water. It’s ironic though… how life can change that fast. It’s like someone found it funny to snap their fingers and make it all come crashing down.
You shouldn’t be suprised that you are still standing because maybe fate wants you to be. Maybe the tragedy of losing everything is what you have to go through to reach a really happy point in your life. I think pain is one of the worse emotions not because of how much it tears us apart but maybe because it’s unpredictable. There are so many different stages of pain and it can increase or deccrease in strength just like that. It’s like the playing piece in a game of chance and your the board.
I really don’t see what the problem with being gay is. it’s your choice and find nothing wrong with it. I doubt that decision changes you. You’re still you same likes dislikes. same talents, hopes, dreams. THat life choice dosen’t alter much else. I’m sorry if people in your life can’t understand that but know that someone out there does and they are hoping for the best. Life is never easy. People repeat that everyday on this site because even though we all know that sometimes seeing it makes us truely believe it. None of us are alone here.
So I hope that your pain dulls and eventually evolves into happiness. i hope you find a great life partner that makes you happy and i hope people respect your decision and support it. You most certainly desrve it 🙂