Hello, I’m a new member here on this website. I first came here last night when I was looking for a painless way to die and stumbled along the Helium Hood Method. I then began to research it and stumbled along the ENORMOUS thread about it, reading everyone of it last night while deeply considering doing it. I read about Jabawabba and everyone else and the Dignitas paper and it was like Wow. I kept reading and that calmed me down so I fell asleep.Â
Anyways a little about me. Yeah born blah, blah. I move to the States with my mother seeking a better life and all while her family gave her a lot of crap for it and to this day they are no where near close and have 0 contact. Anyways when I was about 2, I was left with my aunt for a short period of time and in that time my mom got a boyfriend. I shortly moved in with them and then the nightmares began. At around 2-3 I used to hide food I didn’t like and stuff, and one day some of the food was found and he threw me on the ground and force a knife on my neck forcing me to say thank you, etc. I now tell my mom thank you 3-5 times a meal, sometimes forgetting that I’ve already said thank you and proceed to say it even more. I grabbed the knife when he was done and I was angry, at 2-3? Really? At the time his homeless friend was there living with us, he was very cool. I had the knife and didn’t know what to do. In my mind, I was going to stab this man. Why? I don’t know. What goes through the mind of a 2-3 year old then. I proceeded to drop the knife then go to sleep. I was awaken in the middle of the night as my mom jumped on the bed laying next to me, as I’m a little confused. I hear the police so I pay a bit more attention and hear it’s a domestic abuse case, except on my mom. They proceed to take her to jail for I don’t know how long. Well, while she was gone, one day he decided to sexually abuse me, basically rape. I was only 3. Really, to a 3 year old. I’m not sure what someone finds gratifying from that, but it happened. I’m ashamed to admit it to anyone, have not even told anyone but my ex-girlfriend that I trust dearly. As me being 3 I didn’t know what the hell really happened and did not call the police or anything. Well mom comes back and domestic abuse keeps happening sometimes she’d whack me with a stick, about 2 feet long and about an inch thick, I remember that blue stick clearly and finally police are called and all, social services comes and I’m taken away. I’m sent away until I’m not sure, maybe 3rd-4th grade where I’m returned. Elementary school was a disaster. I cried for every freaking reason, I was such a damn cry baby. Anyways I move back with my mom, but she decided to move back in with her boyfriend. At around 9, they call me into the backyard and proceed to tell me that my father had died in a plane accident a few years earlier. I cried that night devastated but I didn’t understand why. That man was basically a stranger to me. I didn’t know him, to this date I have no picture of him. I proceeded to go to school and everything. Did well, got A’s and B’s. Anyways we moved later. One night when we were driving back to pick up some stuff, they we’re arguing. He proceeded to smack her in the face while driving and soon she jumps out of the van and I go out with her. We go to the police and all, get a restraining order and that’s that. Later on though, she pays his bail and he’s back. Around 4th-6th grade I would ditch school excessively. I went to school and came back home alone from about 4th grade so I had alot of opportunities. Well one day we had family court and finished around noon so I was suppose to go back to school. I ditched and went to the library. When I got home, they found out and he proceeded to choke me and beat me and whipped me.  My mom used to choose my clothes to wear to school and I hated her style. I’d take close and sneak them in my backpack and hide the other clothes in the building and change when I came back. One day, the janitors found the other clothes and returned them. I knew I’d get a beating so I just broke down there and told them what would happen. Again, the police were called and Social Services came and I was moved. This time it was near probably one of the most dangerous places in the country, some may know, well Compton, CA. I lived about 2 blocks from the line but yeah, it isn’t that bad too be honest unless you’re deep in the hood. Well, I think I hit puberty when I moved and it must have hit hard cause I started getting acne and man, my mentality changed and I just understood life. I didn’t cry for everything anymore and got a close circle of friends. One night we were walking around midnight to the bus stop and well, these guys circled around us talking and whatever, well I was with a friend and he decided to talk back, they circled for a final time and began to shoot. I was on the inside so I only recieved a bullet fragment in the foot, however next to me was my dead best friend. I was utterly devastated and later returned to my mother. Things were okay. She’d whip me with hangers but I guess that’s about it, we’d argue and stuff but he was back but shortly moved to another lady. I went to a new school, got another circle of good friends and things were okay. 7th and 8th grade were pretty good, no problems and all. Well 9th grade comes and I get switched schools frok my home school and well, I was sad leaving my friends. But here, I met a girl, she’s amazing. Beautiful, wears no make up…She’s beautiful inside and out. We got together and had a somewhat okay relationship. I sort of neglected her and she sort of needed my attention…anyways, I bonded so much with her because well…she’s had tramatic things happen in her life too I won’t disclose as well, it’s private even if you people don’t know her. Anyways yeah, we start bonding and all, and then guess what? Fucking stepdad comes back and says hey, I’m going to buy a house in another state, lets go. Fucking mother goes, when the relationship has already spiraled down. Sophomore year…I’m gone…leaving close friends, my girlfriend and all…to this place where everyone is plastic, like they were rolled off an assembly line, all bratty white children with iPhones and their own cars….My girlfriend, now ex started getting interested in other guys and I began to turn suicidal. I took some pills one day and she called me fake and that oh I’m lying while my stomach is getting flushed…those doctors treat you like you’re a drug addict….anyways we were so on and off, bipolar as hell. I’ve been on and off about suicide too on par with how the relationship was. Anyways guys here whatever, and parents…well no house and now they’re moving away after some more domestic issues. Now we moved to where currently am, on the other side of the state and well, he won’t find us. Me and my mom argue constantly, the relationship is dead and broken…but I know…well she had early signs of breast cancer, has Hep C, is an alcoholic and smoker, heavy ones mind you, and well, no health insurance so she gets no treatment….I know she’s going to die very soon…and well I have no other family or anyone besides her..that’s why I loved my ex SO much and still do, we keep contact while she just recently got a new boyfriend even though she says she loved me and all…long distance relationships…sucked…distance broke us and broke me even more. I’ve got nothing…I’m just a hopeless lost child, a stain, a waste. I’m a wuss so I’ve been looking for a painless way out. I found the helium method and plan on trying that, although pretty poor so I can’t afford everything at the moment. In the meantime, I’m here I guess trying to put my thought into other peoples stories. I applaud the work of Dawg and Louise (ZoeX) as I commonly see her put, as commited people trying to help everyone in these hard, dark times. I can’t fathom to think what you’ve guys seen and all, number of people that have came by here and that have passed…it must be heartwrenching and I’d like to apologize in advance for being another one. You guys are truly amazing people, I must say. I wish the world was full of more people like you guys, then maybe we’d be a little better as people. Well, I’m just some 17 year old kid, making my stop here maybe hopefully save a life or two before I catch the bus…
I guess I sound like some weirdo ass 17 year old, maybe immature with bad advice or whatever so don’t take what I say to heart as it may be bad advice. Anyways thanks for reading….I’ll let people know how the Helium thing goes when it happens as I see a lot of people are interested in it, well can’t really update if it succeeds but you’ll know then that it’s efficient and works if a 17 year old can do it haha.
63 comments
And if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, genuinely, I’ll always be here to listen. imperfectluck213@hotmail.com
imperfect, ……… wow, I usually won’t read such a long post because of ADD, yet I forced my self to read yours and it got easier because of the nature of your story.
Alot of bad times in your life so far. I fell empathy for the things you have endured.
I’ve tried the helium thing 3 times and couldn’t keep the bag on my head, I always took it off just before passing out.
You sound like a good kid, I see that you see no hope in your world, yet there can be. Just do the next right thing every day, every minute do the next right thing in life. Many time we don’t know what the next right thing is, Yet we always know what the next wrong thing is.
@imperfectluck: Your username has to be the understatement of the year.
You sound like a good guy that’s been treated very badly. You could have turned to drugs or crime or just turned into an all-round asshole. But no, you haven’t done any of those things.
You’re 17 now …? I know this would be mentally and financially tough, but I would be inclined to move away from your mother. Clearly she doesn’t deserve a son like you; you’re too good. Do you have any particular interests or passions? Perhaps consider pursuing them; especially if they are something you can study in school or college.
I’m sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend. I guess if you can keep in contact, that’s something. Whilst I don’t know exactly how you feel, I am only too aware of what it’s like to be in love with someone only to be forced apart, and then having to accept that they have moved on.
All the best.
Yes, I’m 17 now. How would I move away from my mother -.-, emancipation?
I’m good with programming and well, hacking lols. Happen to be good with stocks on the virtual simulator…don’t know how that translates to real-life….
But I plan to major in business if I make it to college, been swapping Engineering and Psychology out for my minor but yeah.
I’m not sure what the rules are in your jurisdiction, but I know that in some countries, children can legally leave home at 16.
You sound as though you would be very good at a vocation where logic is required. Business would be an excellent place to start.
I know it will be hard, but if you’re close to finishing High School and going to College, just work as hard as you can to get there. Even if it means spending as much time out of the house as possible, at places such as the local library or a friend’s house. Perhaps even get a part time job, so you can save a few dollars with which you can eventually move out of home?
All the best to you.
I’m from the US and I’m pretty sure it’s 18 unless you become an Emancipated Minor which, I don’t know how I’d care for myself. Just hope I can afford college and all. Been trying to get a job for AWHILE to no avail.
Gosh my heart goes out to you Imperfectluck. I’m almost struck dumb (unusual for me, huh!) You’ve had a rotten time. I just want to echo what Caucajun and Sansesperer said. You’re a good kid who’s had a raw deal. I don’t know how you managed to come out of it all as together as you are.
You’re very intelligent Imperfect. That’s obvious from your long, well written post (could have been more use of paragraphs i suppose, lol!), also I’m actually kinda impressed that you worked your way through the entire Helium Hood Method thread!!!
I say this because I came to that thread some time before discovering the Suicide Project proper, as it were. I remember trawling through the vast number of comments myself, agog to get the much-needed info about how to use this supposedly relatively ‘peaceful’, painless method. I picture you doing the same thing, and I find that tragic for a 17 year old. I hurt thinking about it.
You might have seen my posts about my own son who’s 16. So I really get concerned for some of the teens on here, you included. You make my son look like he has it pretty cushy tbh. And yet you can still get good grades and look forward to some sort of future, when you’re not pondering suicide that is.
I want to say thank you too, for saying those kind things about me Imperfect. That really means a lot as a lot of the time I’m unsure as to how my comments have gone down as it were. I worry about offending, confusing or annoying people, or that my ‘advice’ may not be appropriate. Hell I probably shouldn’t even be attempting to give advice, but it’s OK to try and support people, that’s really what I try to do. Offer understanding and a listening ear.
I really hope you will stick around the site for a while if it’s at all useful to you Imperfect. For a bright spark and a decent guy like you who has survived so much to be lost to this world would very much be the world’s loss…
Oh and lastly, the helium hood method sounds good at first. I was quite sold on it myself, but it wasn’t long before I started to read other somments that implanted more than a seed of doubt in my mind about just how ‘foolproof’ it actually is…or how painless!
Take care Imperfect. You’re a good guy, remember that. Zoe x
Hey emancipation is a good idea. I moved out when I was 17. I don’t know what state your in but in New York state at least if you are emancipated and homeless you can get a lot and I mean a lot of help and state grants for college and you can even keep any refunds you get from your tuition to pay for books and stuff. I know how hard homeless shelters can be, pretty dodgy places. But, if you make a friend soon enough or fall in love you’ll find a way. Life always has a way of catching you if you’re not ready to leave it. I made my way through college and now I’m married and I have a son. I know you people all want to shoot me but yes I’m happy. I get lonely and sad sometimes. In fact I think that is today’s theme loneliness not for only for me but for a great deal of people. I’m not sure how long my happiness will last but at least for now I am happy to be alive to see my son happy and that my husband love’s me.
@louise
I know what you mean. I actually know people who are offended and annoyed I’m even on here. But, I come because I don’t feel so alone. I want to be supportive too. I find the most fasinating people on here and I’m glad they are not dead because when I’m on here talking to them well it’s the only time I feel alive. Everyone around me is so fake it’s like I’m living in a doll house.
Hi Wordless, I hope you find my comment on another post ‘I bet nobody responds to this’, where I said I could relate to what you said there. Zx
Well I’m from OH. I just want to get back to Cali then I know I’ll be alright, but it’s like 10 months till then if I wait for my mom…it’s just such a grind. Emancipating and leaving the only family I have left is hard, and I don’t know what really to do if I do it. I only find peace when I sleep and well, I could just sleep forever and not wake up. And just with the ex, I guess she’s probably the only reason I’m living at the moment, just hoping I’d get her back again because she’s pretty much my world + 1. It’s hard and complicated to write and all and you all might think that’s sort of foolish but, hey that’s me.
And to louise, some people may feel like that, but you have to block the music knowing while someone may be thinking that, you’re helping someone’s life, and that in itself is worth much more than people downgrading what you’re doing. And you’re welcome, I hope the relationship with your son begins to fix itself. Just take it from me as a kid around your sons age who sort of locks himself away and has almost no contact with his mother, deep in, I know he’s dying for some love, for you to hold him and to talk to him, etc. I wish my mother would understand and do that, but that’s just a dream at best. Now’s the time to start repairing that relationship before it’s too late.
Hey ImperfectLuck – thanks for the honorable mention – “i’m not so sure it’s deserved because i’m sure for every inspirational thought i post here there’s two more that are just silly and pointless.
you sound like the type of kind that a normal, well adjusted parent would be very proud of – as was mentioned – you’re clearly intelligent and have a pretty mature attitude and you’re fairly logical (that comes for your knack for programming/hacking).
that said – i’m a little surprised you aren’t “seeing” that you’ve almost made it out of the forest of crap … and while things aren’t guaranteed to get “better” … you’re on the cusp of change and new opportunities. i know this will sound a bit cold – but don’t get your hopes up about this romantic reunion with your ex … i’m not saying it can’t happen and be wonderful, but be realistic, and I feel you are a realistic person, understand that time, separation and events can change a person’s perspective of what once “was”
yes, I know, I’m a realist, but honestly I’ve got nothing else, so why not give it a shot and basically put all my hope and trust on it?
I just feel, hope, and am banking on that when the distance and seperation is closed that things will reignite and all, assuming I even make it there.
Who knows, maybe those one inspirational quotes or silliness brightens someones day, and that’s really what it’s about, knowing maybe you stopped a person from killing themself for a day or so, so they can think about it or find a humerous side to life that they can just laugh it off. I know…I’m close…I know I’m almost there but it’s like life is testing me and now that I’ve almost made it, life’s going to stack the weight on me in hopes that I fall and fail. I know this final year is going to make or break me.
We’ll see, hopefully for the better.
Ooops … I accidentally hit “submit before finishing my thought …
anyway, try to remain realistic in that your ex, may not be in a pace that allows her to pick up where y’all left off … but don’t despair … there are many other women out there that have great and open hearts waiting for a true and caring, intelligent and gently soul such as yourself to come along (which I’m sure you’ve seen by poking around here) – what i’m saying is – it’s good to have a goal, but it’s dangerous to bet the farm all on one outcome … in my experience, I would have lost many many farms had I done that.
anyway – i’m a bit pressed for time at the moment but feel free to talk to me anytime you wanna tap my addled mind to rummage around an see if i have any remaining practical and useful information that might be germane to your situation and future
anyway – don’t be hasty about your exit – and although there’s a tone of crap in the helium thread – stick with the basics, there’s nothing wrong with going through the mental exercise to prepare and understand clearly how it works – and it’s good to have the “plan’ on the shelf should you ever need it … like having a safety net – but it should only be used as an absolute last resort when there is no other earthly way to escape the inevitable.
25/8 dawg
It’s just intangibles…
Yes I figured that seeing you always end your posts with ____ dawg haha(:
I’ve thought over it numerous times and well, I’m pretty intelligent, and I won’t overcomplicate it like people have been doing, yes however I know once I do it, there’s no coming back, which is what scares me the most and what impact me leaving the world would do, just wish I could view what happens on earth in the afterlife, SIGH -.-
You know I disagree with dawg. I mean sure you’ll probably have to open your heart to another woman if you want to survive but you never forget your first love. I had a crush once actually still do. I fell in love at first site with a boy in my 5th grade class. He was intelligent and somewhat of a loner and very philosophical. He thought I was stupid, still does, but I loved him all the same. He never exchanged anything but glances with me and when we left high school I never saw him again. But, the saddest thing to say is that I have loved him for 15 years and as long as I know he is alive and happy I have a reason to live. I spy on him on face book. I never contact him but I know he has a serious girlfriend and he is smiling. Even if my husband leaves, even if my son dies. I know I’m horrible for saying this but I love that person more than anyone else. That I just figured that out a couple of days ago is why I’m still alive. I love him always have and always will even if he never loves me back.
Whoa. Man this life thing is phew…
lol I know its rough but there are good moments. Like something as simple as someone’s smile or a sunny day. Sometimes you have to let the little things grow deeper in your mind.
well, thats why…its her smile…and over here, well, weather is pretty crappy, always humid and stuff, where I used to live the weather was amazing, basically moving from where I’ve been comfortable and all, forced to lose things that mean the most to me have taken a real toll on me mentally and such. Not much I can say when I wake up for that I honestly look forward to, like crap, I’m awake.
If nothing else just look forward to the fact you love her and she is alive. Sometimes that’s all I have too. But, unfortunately not lately too many other things are making me happy. I’m really not trying to stick it to anyone but I’d be lying if I said I had nothing else at the moment.
Well I can relate. Haven’t well really had anything ever..
I wish I could cheer you up. You seem really cool. Well, I can send you a virtual hug I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but I hope it helps. VIRTUAL HUG 🙂
Haha yay *virtual hug* better than nothing(: haven’t actually ha a really hug in a long while…
I know what you mean. Even though I’m married my husband hardly ever hugs me. It gets real lonely and when I hug him he gets annoyed. I supposed I’m such a goofy person it gets on his nerves. But now that I have a son I can hug him all the time and he just smiles and eats it up. But, sometimes if I do it too much he gets annoyed too. I guess I didn’t have any love for so long that when someone found me I guess I’m just overly clingy trying to make up for lost years I guess. It still hurts when I get rejected though.
Yeah, I get exactly what you mean.
well, thanks for listening I can take a hint you’re probably busy today. I appreciate your responses thank you. 🙂
Nah, I just go on here, eat and sleep haha, no school until a week and a half. Thank you as well, it’s helped quite a bit:)
oh good. I just thought from your short responses you were trying to get rid of me.
No haha just me eating my Chicken Alfredo 😛 mom doesn’t like when I use phone while at the table haha(:
You texting me at the table? How are things going between you and her?
Was for a little, finished now. Well, things are alright, haven’t argued or anything in a few days but I just know the relationship is there and most likely will never be there again, like those bridges are burned and done and irrepairable, and just with me hopefully going off to college soon, I won’t see her that much if at all anymore so I know the relationship is broken. I hope you learn from all this and grow a wonderful relationship with your son(:
Actually to tell you the truth it terrifies me. I get angry at him sometimes and I ignore him sometimes when I have nothing to give. I get afraid that someday I might have just hurt him so much over the years that my love won’t reach him anymore and that he’ll feel what I’ve felt all my life. That he is alone. That I feel that I’m alone. I cry when I think about it I don’t want anyone to feel that way. No one. But, I can’t help it I’m human, I make mistakes and I hope he can forgive and I always try to watch myself to make sure I don’t say or do anything that crosses the line. But, sometimes I do I cross the line. It’s hard but all to often the abused becomes the abuser when hurt or thrown into a situation that throws them back to their own childhood. But, I have to tell you this I’m trying to be a good mother. I try to restrain myself to think before I act. My husband shames me when I’ve crossed the line and for that I’m glad. I know there are only so many times you can screw up before love is lost. I will always try to love him with all my might.
Well at least you have a husband, I hope he’s caring so you don’t have to shoulder the load, I understand that too, and it scares me to one day if I have a child and s/he goes through what I have or similar or I treat him badly that s/he’d just reject me. You just have to understand that’s your child and he doesn’t know about your childhood and all, you just have to expose him to the good in life and love him, but don’t over do it. Sometimes if you just have to calm down, you just have to realize he’s just a child or let your husband handle that. It gets much tougher as he grows and you have to grow stronger and control yourself even more as the distance begins to show and you just have to try to close that gap.
You know my husband is a caring person. It’s a cool story actually I saved him. He was going to kill himself and I saved him. After that we dated and we got married. I know I’m not his true love and he knows he isn’t mine but we were able to touch our hurts together and managed to survive. Life is a fascinating thing that way sometimes when you are just about ready to give up a little ray of love finds you. We struggle together. I think the hardest part is when two empty people come together it is very hard to give and both sides feel they are giving more than the other. Often our arguments are like this. Like who does more of the work or who sacrifices more to give to the family. It’s hard but sometimes both of us need so much it often causes us to hate each other. But, in the end one of us always ends up being the bigger person and gives just a little bit more so we can live. In all that mess my son tries to get love from both of us. I feel bad for him because I wish we could give him so much more. But, what can you give when you are broken and empty. Sometimes though I give a lot and I feel like a magician. Its cool when you can turn something out of nothing. I’d like to think of myself as a dandelion that pushes up out of concrete. There isn’t much there and no one thinks I’m beautiful but I’m still able to find nourishment and reach for the sun.
Ah that’s wonderful. Somehow maybe you can build the relationship with your husband into where you guys love each other so much into that love of your life scenario and that trickles down to your son. Just the little things to show your son that you love him, like giving him hugs now and then, put him to bed and such, telling him you love him. People always want that big home run, but you have to do the little things and let them build up until your son grows older and begins to understand all this. Even when things are down, you just have to look into his face and keep your head up no matter what because he’s always looking up to you no matter what. I can’t offer much advice as well…I’m not married, let alone an adult but I guess being on the other side I sort of know what I’ve been missing and stuff and don’t want your son to be the same way.
It’s funny but even after you become an adult you never feel like one. I still feel like I’m 17 even though I’m 26 now. Thank you for all your concern and I hope real love finds you so you can feel better. Real love is hard and it hurts but it something that just a little bit more than what you had. Don’t forget your first love either. I’m sure thinking of her smiling face will bring you a little bit of sunlight even in the darkest of times. Now it seems in life love and joy is always laced a little bit with pain but sometimes feeling pain is a way to know at least you are alive an maybe because you’re alive you can give even if its only a little and then maybe some else will be able to live from that little bit too. I think for the people on this page the little things are all we really have left. But, all in all even though there is so much pain I believe in love even when I don’t feel it I know it’s there for me somewhere. Like air I know I can’t see it or feel it but I know it has to be there in order for me to still be alive.
Ah yes, very well put. She isn’t like my first relationship, but she’s my most serious one and one I can truly say I love all that aside. Yeah, I guess she has someone else now, but maybe in the luck of the draw, she’ll realize what she really wants is me. Doesn’t help that I’m 2,000 miles away -.- but I plan on visiting once or twice and hopefully that lights a spark. Yeah, even in the darkest of days when we may be arguing and such I still just think of her face, smile and all, the kisses and hugs, and that in itself makes it worth living for, just the chance to have those again. I’m always ears, a geniune listener even when it may seem like I am busy or such, so whenever you need something, I’ll be here until if I do decide to pass. You have lots of time in life and still chances to grow, I know things will pan out for you, cause good things happen to good people(: I hope you have a wonderful family(: Also, maybe a sibling for your son? Adopted or paternal, I think a companion would be beneficial to him and you, although it may just seem like more stress so might want to hold back on that thought, but just something to possibly think about. Thanks for listening to me aswell, it’s been helpful, can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten this much help outside of my ex, haha.
I know you are holding on to the chance that she will want you back but please even if she doesn’t never forget how much you love her. It will help you it really will. I still think of my first love every day and I know he will never love me back. But with love it is in the giving that fills you up more than the receiving. Thank you also for listening to me I’m glad to be of help. Most of the time when I talk to people they get cheesed off because I’m happy I have a family. I’ve been saved as some people put it but that doesn’t mean because of all that I’ve escaped my depression. By no means have I escaped. I just found a way. I hope a girl finds you in your most desperate moment and saves you like the way I saved my husband I’m sure it will cheer you and maybe you may have a son of your own and begin to mend.
The thing is she still loves me as well…it’s just…I know she feels empty and lonely with me not there and it hurts me that I can’t do anything about it right now. I will just hope for the better. Just I’ve been giving all my life, sort of tired of it.
You’re very welcome, I understand yeah just because you’ve been saved doesn’t mean you’re out of the darkness. It’ll still come and haunt you and just because you’ve been saved once doesn’t mean you won’t fall back in. Be glad you’re fine right now, cause we can’t keep living with our heads down all the time even when things are good, we had to take the good moments and enjoy them and not pass us by because they’re hard to come by.
Well, good if you know she loves you never give up. Love is the strongest thing we have in this world at least I think and sometimes it hurts but true love is the love that weathers any storm. Of course the most difficult loves are the ones that touch us the deepest in our cores and are often the ones people write about. It is all to often that in this day people give up too easy but I believe if the love is real it will last good luck thank you for your help as well. When you suggested a sibling for my son you put a big smile on my face. I could only dare to dream my husband would love me that much to try again for another child. As it remains the distance between us grows and it is mostly because of our own selfish misery. We have been trying to appreciate things about each other but somehow after 5 years a spark has been lost. I hope to rekindle it someday. I always tell the story to my son about how we met editing it a little of course so not to frighten him. I hope that if my husband overhears he will remember it fondly and come over and give me a kiss. But, lately to no avail. I’m so tired of trying I just want to be loved for being myself giving is the hardest thing when you feel like you have nothing. I’m sorry I’m babbling agian it sounds like you are trying to sign off. Well, I’m always around the site you know were to find me if you want. But, in all honesty I hope I can find you again this is the longest back and fourth posts I’ve had for a while it is truely comforting.
lol I’m still here! I know if I hadn’t moved I wouldn’t have been through all this and we’d be alright growing strong and all…I guess..that’s why I dislike, almost hate my mother, maybe do for doing this to me when she knew it was going to fail. She knows she means everything to me…that I’d do anything in the world humanly possible for her, I just hope she finds it within her to believe and accept that. It’s been a couple of hours since we first started talking and it’s been very pleasant(: I guess you need to start off little with your husband, just talk about good memories, go out a bit more, just go outside one night, lay on the grass, look into the night light and just chat. Get to just know one another and begin to connect again. Dates and such, just rekindle the fire with small things. It takes a awhile to get that spark but once you do, you have to nurture that small fire until it grows then keep adding firewood when it’s big to keep it going.
You seem to know a lot even though you are very young. I’m glad you are still talking to me. 🙂
Haha I’d like to think that but I know I have tons more to learn :). Yes it’s nice talking to someone 😀
My son is 2 now he is so cute. I’m playing with him right now we’re spelling out the alphabet with some foam letters I bought him it is these little things I just cherish so much. 😀
Yeah, the little moments are the ones you have to love the most(: I know you’ll turn out into a wonderful mother. I always like that etch-a-sketch when I was smaller haha I would just be so amazed at how it would work(x
Actually my son doesn’t have one of those. I think I’ll go and buy one for him today. I just got paid on Friday so I should have enough to manage it. I wonder what he’ll make of it. I hope he likes it as much as you do but even if he doesn’t its okay. It’s just nice to be able to do something nice for him once in a while. 🙂
Haha thats great(: I’m sure 2 year olds would play with just about anything and enjoy it(:
He is very impressionable and very sweet. He definitely makes my life worth while. I hope I’m not bothering you.
@imperfectluck – I feel really sorry for what you had to go through. Moving from one place to another and losing your friends and girlfriend sucks. Anyways, getting to my point, you’re 17. You only have a year or so until you hopefully graduate and start a whole new life. A life without your mother or her shit-ass boyfriend. I’d say go to a college in another state. If you have trouble financially then get a part-time job. But for the remaining year, participate in a sport you like or do volunteer work = an excuse to effing get outa that house.
I’m sure he is, all kids are(:
No, not at all, I’m not doing anything, just browsing other SP topics then checking on the chatroom then back here hehe :).
@Blue, thanks, plan on going back to where I was before I was moved if I make it and hope all goes well(:
I hope all goes well for you too you are a really good person and you deserve a good life. 🙂
Thank you so much(: hope your family turns out wonderful and maybe even a new, beautiful child!(:
XD I keep blushing everytime you say that. You know I’m working on getting my relationship on the mend but a lot has to change so there will be enough love for the new baby you know.
Haha ^_^. yeah need to have a great enviorment to bring a child into the world so s/he has the most stress-free and caring life(: I’m sure things will turn better with your husband(:
Well thank you. I’m sure things will turn out well with your girlfriend too 🙂
Ah. I really hope so 🙂 thanks so much.
@imperfectluck: I’ve just read this whole exchange. The more I read, the more I am convinced you should hang in there. You have an absolute ton of potential. You remind me a lot of my best friend. He had a similar crappy upbringing, only at your age he moved out of home and spent the next 5 years in a drug-addled haze. He eventually pulled himself out of that mire and enrolled in college. He now has a good job and is financially secure.
What I’m saying is that you haven’t fallen into the traps that so many people in your position can fall into. You’ve at least got that going for you. It would appear that emancipation could be an option for you, it’s worth looking into. In the worst case scenario, if you can at least get into college, I have no doubt you will be highly successful and you will be able to put this all behind you.
As for your ex-girlfriend … you’re both young. If you are meant to be together, the universe will find away. If not, then you will be provided with someone else that is just as special, only when you are completely ready. Just try and avoid committing to the wrong one too early, otherwise you might find yourself in a world of pain again.
I look forward to seeing MUCH more from you around here. 🙂
@sanses, thanks(: about the emancipation thing, I wouldn’t know how/what I’d be doing, doesn’t it take awhile, need court and all? Just couldn’t fund all that, then what do I do when I’ve done it? It’s just all to confusing to me ._.
I know college is my, I’m not sure what to call it, launchpad perhaps? I know if I just get in and all, I’ll skyrocket away, but just getting there is the hard thing.
Well, just did a little researching, and emancipation would need financial self-sufficiancy. So damn, I guess I’m stuck…:(
Sorry to hear that, imperfectluck. 🙁 I guess all you can do now is keep yourself focused on your future, and away from home as much as possible. You said you had 10 months left of school? I know that 10 months seems like a long way away, but it really isn’t. Although it’s going to be tough, at least if you have a goal in mind, you can use that to drive you.
You’ve had a shitty time so far, but there is hope. The fact your spirit hasn’t yet fully broken puts you at a huge advantage compared to so many others with similar stories.
It’s tough, tough, tough, life’s starting to stack up these obstacles on me…I’m already on the edge, I know life’s gonna throw even bigger things that I can’t handle.