A Little bit of Hope :)

Hi, I am an 18 Year old boy from the United States. Like most of everyone here I had thoughts of suicide and browsed the suicide project blog daily hoping to find people who could relate to what I was feeling. And for people who could possibly care for me. Well, 3 years later I am happy to report I am no longer thinking of committing suicide and my life took a complete 180 degree turnaround. But for having to go through what I did and learn what I did I am back to try to help people with some helpful advice to hopefully change someone elses life like all of you have for me.

Most people in my position only tell you one thing. That it always gets better. Well I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit and what they say is repetitive and not helpful. There is no one on this world that change how you feel except yourself. Only you can change if you want to live or not. Nobody else can decide that for you. Therefore, it gets better if YOU make it better. Be the change you want to see.  How you do that is really up to you and since everyone in the world is unique, what works for other people may not work for you. Only you know what makes you helpful

So since I cant make things better for you, I am going to provide the methods that I used to get better.

1. Fuck Therapists, Fuck medication.

Someone to talk to is always important, true. I for one always just thought to myself (Which I realized was 10x harder than talking to someone else that went through what I did). But honestly, most therapists have a degree to mentally dissect your brain. Most have NOT gone through what you have. They don’t always understand, they cant relate like we can.  Therapists will not just listen and be there for you, they will try to figure out what’s “Wrong.” well fuck that, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing at all. And that’s why fuck meds. Meds are supposed to fix you, they emotionally alter you feelings. How is that healthy? what if one night you run out of meds just as the day goes completely wrong? meds wont stop you from putting a gun to your head. Only you can make that choice.

2. Mental stimulation

It is always important to “feel” better. When you feel sad you listen to sad music to let you feelings loose inside you. I always felt more relaxed and more willing to get better when I listened to more calm music. My personal favorite was John Mayer, that guy was my life savor for a long time. You could also do something like naps, or even talking to that special person. You can even blog on here to feel better! whatever works, hold on to it.

3.  Think Positive

lets face it, the world is shit. The world is full of scumbags who cheat, steal, lie, kill and everything bad in the book. And the worst part of the world is that god or whoever the fuck was cruel enough to give you the situation your in doesn’t give a fuck. And the WORST PART. All of it you can deal with if someone was with you every step of the way. If there was just that one person that care about you more than you ever could about yourself was there. Then you could’ve lived through it all.

It’s sad to know how alone you really are. But, as alone as you really think you are. You AREN’T. Everyday people are brought together by a common entity more and more everyday. And while it may seem your alone in the moment you aren’t. For every 1 person who reads your blog post and writes a nice thoughtful comment. There are 20 who silently wish they could be there for you. I was one of those people. I rarely said anything because of my own fear of self esteem.

There will always be someone who cares about you. As soon as you really believe this, everything “gets” better. You start thinking. Fuck, I have no cash for chips…BUT atleast I have this fucking badass coke.

And to be completely honest, im still lacking in self esteem with women and other situations, self esteem I once had before I started thinking of the uselessness my life was.

I’m not going to lie, you guys are right. Life is shit, but that doesnt mean you cant take the POSITIVES of it. And believe me, happiness can exist.

Because that’s the point of life, not to have purpose, but to find what makes you happy. The universe is filled with planets and stars and we are somehow self aware my a fucking miracle. That’s right, it’s a miracle we’re alive. It’s a miracle you are you and I’m glad you turned out the way you did. Because in the future when you get passed this you will be a better person.

I am in no way credible for the shit I say. I am like you, I live everyday as I go. I really still have no fucking idea what the purpose to my life is, Why I shouldn’t just put a bullet in my head. But, I find happiness, in trying to find my happiness, I’m alone I guess. Yes I do have people who care about me. But not because I wanted to kill myself. People STARTED caring about me when I made an effort to be a better person, by helping other people.

sure you could end your one shot at a life, but why end it now when it’s going to happen eventually? You can move your arm up down, so you can do whatever you want. So why not just do whatever you want rather than just ending the opportunity?

And Like I said, none of this may work for you, my 949 word count could not have helped you at all. BUT ALWAYS KNOW. There are people like me, who will silently care for you while you are suffering for one of the hardest struggles of your life.

Your life doesn’t get better, it gets fucking awesome. Pain, suffering, sex, happiness, faith….Hope..

I do not normally give out my email, but I trust anyone who would like to talk to me about anything. Fuck you could talk to me about what you had for lunch. I’m here.

mkhoury34@gmail.com

Good Luck in the future. I hope I have given you a little bit of hope 😉