Beginning of a story

Well, I guess this is going to be my first post here.. probably not the last. I guess I joined this site as a way to get my story out a little bit. I’ve kept a journal for the better part of the past year, but nobody has ever read it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff.. so yeah, hi guys.

I don’t really know where to even start with this.. maybe with why I feel the way I do? Okay, well it all started a few years back. I went to a Catholic elementary school where I got bullied for my weight and never really fit in. After Catholic school took its toll I was transferred to a public school. While at the public school, I was bullied for how sheltered I was in Catholic school. I decided it was a good idea to tell on a kid for having weed, when all he really had was a bag of leaves and a vivid imagination. I was super dooper popular from that incident on. A girl in the school told her boyfriend that I had been harrassing her on AOL (yep..AOL) so he decided to jump me on the bus ride home. Now, this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but my current best friend who was sitting one seat in front of me decided to do nothing but watch it all go down. After the end of that year I transferred schools yet again, but this time I went to a magnet school.

The magnet school wasn’t so bad, I actually got to participate in some pretty nifty art projects. I met a few friends there, but nobody I really hung out with a lot outside of school. I found out after I left the school that multiple girls thought that I had creepy crushes on them.

I met a friend online, we began to talk a lot. He was the first person I could even act somewhat like myself around. He used to confide in me about his own problems involving relationships, family crap, and school. I would stay up late through the night just so I could talk to him. The only part of our friendship that isn’t ideal, is that I never like to talk about anything emotional relating to myself. I don’t know how he feels about this, i’ve never asked. He tries to seem completely apathetic, but I guess after knowing somebody for a few years you can just tell whats going on. I really hate how when I can tell that he’s hurting I actually begin to hurt as well. Earlier this summer, I paid for a plane ticket so I could go visit him for a week. The trip exceeded any expectations that I had, but it also made me feel intensely closer to him. I know that the odds of anything ever happening between us are incredibly slim, but I just can’t get over him. Since he’s had several problems in his town (getting robbed, drama related to his relationships, trouble finding a job), I offered for him to move here and we could use a house my uncle has until we could find an apartment with some other friends. I’m not entirely sure how good of an idea it was, but I sent him a cashiers check for enough to cover the plane ticket here, baggage, and whatever else he would need. I’ve questioned my intentions on this for a while now, I mean.. I feel like he’s my brother, and I would have done it whether I liked him or not, but I still can’t help but wonder if my intentions were in the wrong.

There are a lot of other family issues and crazy junk.. I’ll continue with them later.

I’m sorry if this is ill constructed / rant-y.. I’ll follow up with something better in the future.

Nice to meet you.