tommorows the big day!!!I got ahold of my moms box cutter the other night.Earlier that day i found some numbing stuff.its for teeth but i think if i put it on the blade itll numb the area for awhile.I probably should pay atenttion to my rule of not drawing atenttion to myself.But im not going to kill myself at home.I scared the fuck out of everybody with sleeping pills.If im around strangers and i dont know if thats good or bad thing.But then itll be easier.Im falling apart. Just yesterday i couldve been killed walking off at home att night.There was a guy in the parking lot screaming it scared the hell out of me but i kept going till i got home.My moms trying to talk to me and i just shut her cause its all i can do.my therapist says im selfish for not talking to my mom.
Sure mom i stole your box cutters and im going to slice open my fucking arm tommorow.What would that look like me doing that.Hell no the less she knows the better.There is a message i do plan on posting on my phone.Itll say to the people who hurt me and those who did what they could i say sorry to the ones who tried and good riddance to those that sat on there asses.
Its weird the internet i feel an internet family and a real family and sometimes the internet family treats me better than my real one
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Please don’t, you said you needed someone who cares for you to listen and help you without treating you like a joke. Well, there are people like that here. Let’s talk.
I want to be able to talk to you.To be honest im scared as hell about tommorow and the thought has crossed my mind several times to turn back.Ive turned back a lot in the past went to the hospital to seek help.Lately i even try to cooperate cause i do tend to get out of control.People think i do it on purpose but i cant even understand why i do it.But because of that at the hospital im treated like im crazy not mentally ill and its not a crime to be crazy unfortunately
Im well known at the hospital for suicide attempts.And even though pushing through it has been the thing in the past.I cant take all these over crowded thought everything thats wrong.i cant take that pressure.And im scared cause even though i planned this thing im just really lost and confused.
My therapist i never had one like her.As strong willed as me into believeing that shes right and im wrong.I didnt even talk to her really last week just pretty much shut my mouth and said what she wanted to hear.I will promise one thing i will think about what to do tonight long and hard before tommorow.Maybe theres a solution other than death that i just havent come upon yet:)
You can die anytime; i promise that option won’t disappear anytime soon. For now though, why not keep trying to work things out? Even if you stay and try for a little while longer and fail all you’ve lost is nothing, you can just turn around and leave then, but what you might gain is a happy life that you’d never even consider giving up.
I really hope you’ll email me