HELL…Most of the Story

I was raised the youngest boy in a family of eight including my parents.

My dad was a medic in Vietnam that drank himself to sleep everyday after he came back

My mom worked her ass off to pay the bills. She wanted 12 kids, She died in 99 from breast cancer

After my mom died most everyone in my family took off except my little sister who got into hard drugs, my dad was beating my ass one day and my sister called the cops on me and they arrested me because they tell the pigs i am threatening to kill them both just so i get kicked out. She partied her slutty little ass off but not before ransacking my room and taking all of my family heirlooms including my dead grandfathers cufflinks whom I never met, I never had any grand parent in my life, EVER.

My father had always been physically violent with me over grades and communicating, I remember  when I got a C- in junior high and he punched me in the face so hard i fell backwards in my chair and slammed my head and my mother immediately stood over me and said that’s what i deserve.

My oldest brother was an alcoholic that verbally abused me daily and physically abused me every other day. He got into fist fights with my dad all the time and smashed a table, punched huge holes in drywall.

One night my brother was drunk as usual and was fighting with everyone and he punched me in the face so hard i fell on the ground and blacked out, i had a bump the size of my nose on my forehead. The cops show up as they often did and threw my brother into the drunk tank overnight, all that my mom did was worry about my brother, she just looked at me and laughed, I was around 11 or 12 at the time.

My brothers and sisters have only been out for themselves since my mom died nobody talks in my family (the norm I guess). My oldest sisters cashed in on my parents stuff and bailed out to many different states.

My life has not been a roller coaster, It hasn’t been bumpy, IT IS HELL

I mean honestly I studied all the faiths and from what I have experienced this absolutely has to be hell

Who the fuck do people think they are? Do they want to be gods, or just love exercising power over others?

Where do they think they will be when they die?

I will make sure that their afterlife is more painful then my life here.

I mean really that is all you are doing is building me with your hate, what kind of bricks you are using darkness only knows,

Be wary of how you treat others, I think that god is really fucked up and tortures to death the people he loves the most. This I hope we can change and is a part of why we are here to essentially change god and help god understand us more-so than the other way around.

I thought my mom was great even after she did those things to me, I don’t know how but I am very forgiving and I try every day to let go of what has been done to my life by vicious inhumane beings. I struggle with calling them human.

And that is what I realized is that some people are from the stars and struggle with being on this, at times, hopeless rock. We are here to teach them but they refuse to learn so we feel the need to remove ourselves from the situation. How do you do this when you are a vulnerable child? Suicide crosses the mind because these people put these thought s into our heads from theirs.

EVERY SINGLE DAY my father told me how incredibly worthless I am. He said I was not worth the seed that he put into my mother. Which now I believe is sexually vulgar and is a piece of why I can be so vulgar and over the top when someone pisses me off, believe I can make anyone hurt, bad, with just words alone.

But I realized that some parents actually raise children for strictly two purposes alone to either help or hurt the world, which came before us so it is my secondary god, my primary god is the universe because it came before earth. Understanding through imagining what it must feel like out there in the cold blank void of space I begin to understand what lies within these dark beings spirits, nothing.

I mean honestly people that I meet that are depressed have more creativity in their pinky than the assholes (just like black-holes) out here stealing ideas from them. I fart more inspiration than my dad ever gave me.

Really we are lost if we lose our sense of humor about things including life and death and fail to connect the universe with our lives which humans like us are a greater part of anyway. Thats what really scares them they want to be like us but at the same time want us to be more like them, they are confused and in turn immoral, they wish they could have the fun we have inside our own heads.

Well I guess I’m saying this because I feel like my time growing short here

I had a serious concussion several months ago that impacted on a point on my head where I had been stabbed 8 years ago.

People really have no compassion anymore especially for those who have been injured and I found out they treat a concussion less serious than cold in the hospital. I literally felt like I was going to die and I saw the spiral of life the native americans speak of. I had a really hard time trying to stand up and couldn’t talk. I started to go into some kind of seizure at the hospital and I think I might have saved my own life by humming, all the nurses shut up.

The next month was hell trying to recuperate I was totally bed ridden and now I am totally dependent upon this weird thing I do with tones and vibration, without it I start to go back into the state I was in that first month.

So guys if we lose power or I keep on getting these chest pains It curtains for me but remember life isn’t about death, its about evolving and if we dont overcome we succumb, and I aint sucking no dudes dick!