Hi-
Ive been on hiatus-my life fell apart 15 weeks ago and ive tried to put it back together.
I’m anesthetized by some painkillers now so ill write the basics-
Ex boyfriend abandoned me in the hospital(my 3rd). Went out,went through DBT a third time
Have tried to socialize and even signed up on for online dating. Little to no interest,except from a couple of guys who are freaks.
Now my 26 yr old niece is engaged. I’m officially the family spinster.
At 33.5 yrs,with only 1.5 yr left to have a baby,time is officially out.
I think I can safely say I’ve given life my damned best shot.
If there is anyone who would like to be my “on the side” advisor to achieve a peaceful exit,PM me. Of course,no connections will be left connecting to you.
Thank you
Peace
22 comments
you’re a cougar, embrace it. go show us young men we cant handle real woman haha. what painkillers if you dont mind me asking?
If you really want a baby have you tired having a one night stand…fairly sure you could get some of the local teenagers to do some chores around your house. I know what its like to be lonely.
post script.
A 70 year old woman had a baby… just throwing that out there.
Who said you could only get pregnant ’till 35? If it’s a myth, it’s definitively not reality. Salma Hayek had her first child at 40 just to name someone famous. I’m in similar conditions than you and I also looked for painless methods and after an extensive research I can only tell you no amount of any pills will EVER work unless it’s a Barbiturate like Seconal or ******** (almost impossible to get). Then there’s the helium or ******** hood method. Too weird and complicated for me but the best alternative out of the other horrible choices out there. Good luck!
Ive thought about the one night stand thing,but I worry sometimes that Im just prolonging the agony,and that ill be depressed b/c i wasnt good enough to have a baby the traditional route….
and the 70 yr old thing is tabloid im sure
black swan-
statistics everywhere say that after 35,fertility drops to 10%. yes,ppl do have babies after that but its rare and with help im sure. i dont have that kind of cash
pills were just to get me through tonight…ive always had my eye on the helium method for when its time to go
even if the 70 year old is tabloid there are women at 55 who’ve had children (the youngest mother in history was 5, shit anythings possible)
oh and i asked what painkiller for the reasons black swan mentioned.
******** killed marilyn monroe. pentobarbital is actually OTC in mexico (gotta ask for it at the vet, just say you need to put your burro down)
10 percent isnt alot. i dont know… maybe its just the stereotype that us mexicans cant stop having babies (even though most of my cousins come from 2 kid families)
if im going to kill myself it would have to be my own way. none of that trendy shit. i’ll be like that guy who tied a rope around a tree than put the noose around his neck and floored it in his convertible (yes his head came off)
Yeah, I’m sorry if I was one of the freaks. I’ve actually had some positive responses. A girl complimented my photo earlier today and several others have expressed interest but the are far. I’m not really going out of my way though, content to be alone until sort things out. Sometimes you have to go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Don’t worry about your biological clock yet. Whatever happens will happen. Actually, when I was younger I really liked the idea of my own family but now I’m not so sure. People want different things. It has to be for you and not others. It doesn’t necessarily mean you will be alone forever.
I am also in my 30’s (late 30’s that is) and I feel sad I will probably never have children but I am clear that that desire is purely selfish. First of all, what life can I offer my baby? If I think life is a ***** and have experienced hell, why would I want my baby to go through it too? Would I want him to also mostly likely have to deal with a bipolar disorder? Would he be happy not having the things I also long for? Knowing the answer to all these questions gives me peace. I am already here to deal with this shit but not my baby, no, not him. Unless I won the lottery and convinced a gorgeous model I dated to be the father and then leave.
dont feel like youre being selfish. some people consider the meaning of life to be making babies and raising em. trust me, i doubt you would be exactly the same if you had a child (odds are you wouldnt want to die as soon) and as far as passing genetic things down… that cant be an excuse not to. my mom is perfectly healthy and im the one with terminal illness’, and it doesnt seem to keep her up at night (i wouldnt wish for her to lose sleep over me being sick) of course she wishes i was healthy, but she sees how challenges make you a stronger person (given they arent thaaat challenging like trying to push a boulder up a mountain that will just keep coming back down anyway) and that becoming a stronger person sometimes makes you a happier person.
NewDawnFades,
I respect your perspective on the subject but still differ from it. You say, people consider the meaning of life… I ask whose meaning of life are we contemplating? The parent’s of course. It’s a need of the parent to be fulfilled, not the baby’s.
I’m just saying, if I can’t guarantee that my baby will have a beautiful life with lots of opportunities; I will just have to repress that desire. And about the genetics. I do care but I would be willing to wave my illness for the fact that my baby would be gorgeous and intelligent if I chose the father well. Sorry if I sound a bit superficial but that’s the way I’d want it to be for him.
I’m sorry to hear about your condition. Do you have any posts where you share your story?
yeah i wrote ” a loaded gun wont set you free, so you say”
yeah its not my meaning of life. to me the meaning of life is to experience joy and euphoria and help those who need a hand.
Don’t have a baby just so you will feel loved and they won’t leave you, because they eventually grow up and leave.
33.5 isn’t old, my last child was when I was 40 and the mother was 38.
I will take a look at your post NewDawnFades. Caucajun, they will always love you though which must be very rewarding.
just to let you know it is reaaaally long. but if you do read it all the way ::clap clap::
pm me if you wish.
Swan, I was trying to say, don’t have a baby for the wrong reasons.
My children love me, yet there are children that despise thier parents and carry the hatred to thier graves.
It doesnt matter…I want a baby but Im sure I’ll have to listen to everyones ridicule that i dont serve it and a child deserves better than me and two parents yadadada…I guess Id feel embarrassed for my kid knowing that i wasnt good enough to give himher a real father….
I just look at my life now and think,whats the point? I wanted to kill myself when i was in OZ last March,thinking that would be the last good memory of my life and I’d go out on a high note. Somehow I chickened out and decided to keep trying,and all i have to show for the last 6 mos is the end of my relationship,another hospitalization,and total emptiness/loneliness and reassurance that no,there ISNT someone else out there just waiting for me.
The signs to die kepp coming and coming and staring me in the face. How many times do i keep ignoring them? When do I finally realize that LIFE IS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER,THERE WILL BE NO HAPPINESS OR LOVE OR FAMILY FOR ME?!?!
I just dont have the couage to go on anymore. I need to once and for all get the guts together and DO IT. I live alone,theres no BF to check up on me anymore. I can helium bag myself and no one will look for me for weeks or months. Part of me considers trying the trip thing again(I scheduled two cruises,one next month,one in May) and jumping off the ship or finding some other way to die at the end of my trip,but I dont know if I can survive the wedding prep of my niece and the patronizing comments until then.
I dont give a rats ass about hell or damnation or what my biological relatives(I say biological b/c thats really the only tie there) feel/do/think about it. Theyve proved over and over again that my feelings dont matter. I dont matter. And my ex,who said it would ruin his life if I killed myself? Well he left me anyway,so hes got a clear conscience!
It is time to think of myself.I need to put an end to my pain.
It’s your fundamental right. Don’t let anyone tell you different. If you want a bun in the oven, go for it.
Yes Caucajun, I also don’t believe in having a baby for the wrong reasons.
Are you still here Sunbird? 🙂