I can’t do it anymore

The term, “I cant live without you” is really sticking with me. I’m and 18 year old female. I’m in love with another female. We’ve been dating over a year now. I’m never been in love like this. I even dated someone over 2 years .. still never felt this way. She is truely the love of my life. I dont even think of us as being in a ‘relationship’ .. I think .. thought of us as ONE. My soul is tied to hers. I feel so empty now .. now that she’s gone. I need to be close to her. I need to kiss her. I need to interact with her. I just want us to be happy. We’ve been through alot over this passed year. Verbal abuse & physical abuse .. but we stayed strong together. I admit it was my fault.. I was young and dumb. I always thought that she’d be there. I think of us as one. I think of us as always being together no matter what, because our love was THAT strong .. I messed up. I had an attitude problem, I was cocky, I was mean.. Most of the time we argued. but all the other times, our relationship was PERFECT. idk, I’m blind , im stupid. I cant function without her. I cant live without her. I promised over and over that I would change .. & she believed me .. but I blew it. I never thought this day would come .. that she would leave me .. for good. It’s been about a week & i swear I’ve changed. I would do anything for that girl !! anything for us to be together. I never ever want to lose her… she means sooo much to me, & i know its hard to believe because of our past, but ive made MISTAKES . I never cheated. But I was always mad at something. There’s no excuse.. but stress plays a big part in this situation. I was a senior in high school, and I was going through alot.. but SHE was the one who was always there for me & i took it all out on her. I wish I can go back .. My ex before her messed up my mind. fucked me up real bad. and I took it out on her. Even though she was sooo perfect, I took my past out on her. I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t do anything right … but she is the love of my life. and I am sooo very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I cant live without her. She wont believe that I’ve changed. She doesnt want to work on us because of all the stuff I put her though. But I promise, I have changed this time. Time really does alot. & this short amount of time away from her really CHANGED me. It helped me to really realize my mistakes and my bad decisions. I used to get mad at the stupidest things. Without any communication .. I always assumed things.. communication is the key. If i could just go back in time and change everything I would .. I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart… But now she wont take me back. I CANT LIFE WITHOUT HER. I cannot survive without her. I need her back. I need her to see that I’ve changed for myself, for her & for US. I cant live without her. & if I cant have her .. I will not live…