I had to start over after the recession. I moved to a new city and started a new life. Put the past behind me. Created a new me. Found the job of my dreams! Everything was going better than I ever expected.
Then it all came crashing down. I became best of friends with a coworker who had recently moved there too. We grew closer and closer. Her supervisor got jealous and scared her and turned her against me. They teamed up and got me fired. I never did anything wrong. I am a good person and was great to this girl. We were just friends. Over the past 10 weeks I have lost everything i own, i have had to move twice. Everywhere I look are reminders of what I had and lost. Whether is be their football team thats always on TV lately, or a song, there is always something to remind of the place i fell in love with and the life I should be living right now. Instead I am trapped with my dogs in an efficiency hotel. My things are in storage 800 miles away and I may never get them back. I dont know how to talk to anyone cause I dont have anything positive to talk about. I never thought I would find myself on a site like this but I cant take this anymore. I dont think I will ever get over what happened to me and I dont know how to escape all this pain. At night I dream i am there. I wake up and its all gone and all i can think about all day is where I should be, what I should be doings, and reliving the events that took it all away.
The only escape seems to be to end my life but I am afraid and I dont want to do that to my mom.
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Is there anyone you can stay with until you get back on your feet?
unfortunately no.
it would help to be around people. The isolation I am in is like a prison. I feel like I am being punished for a terrible crime. I did nothing wrong to anyone. I only hurt myself terribly by making the mistake of building a close friendship with a coworker. I will never make that mistake again, but at what cost did i have to learn that? I’m in my late 30’s and I just lost everything =(
You’re username is karma and you said you feel like you’re being punished. Fortunantely that’s not true, you just got the bad side of a bunch of envious and nasty people. Life flip flops like that, it sucks, but it can happen to anyone at any moment.
Do you not have any relatives that will give you bed while you find a job? Are you still friends with that woman? Maybe she can help you out.
Karma, I too lost everything I had, also in my late 30’s. I too wanted 2 die. I was forced to move back into a 2 bedroom apartment with my two children and my mom and stepdad. All day every day, In the back of my mind, I would think “I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead…”. I existed, but I was not living. I went this way for 2 years. Because I allowed depression to take over, I continued losing things even after I moved in with my parents. eventually, I was broken down to nothing. not even welfare or foodstamps…nothing!…nothing but God, that is… I’d always had a strong relationship with God, and considered myself a good person, at a good place on my spiritual path, which is why I did’nt understand how this was happening in my life!…at this time, my faith had shrank down to the size of a mustard seed. But even a seed so small, was enough. I fell to my knees and Surrendered to God because everywhere I turned there were dark corners, and no open doors…I could not get a job, which had never been a problem in the past, and every form of assistance I applied for was flat out denied! I felt that I must’ve messed my life up so bad, that it was not fixable…I was trapped in a dark hole…and I wanted to die. I decided to go back to school while I figured out my next move. I existed, but Inside I was dead. One day on the way to class, the breaks in my car completely went out, and I was forced to hit a tree, head on, to avoid slamming into the back of an unsuspecting elderly couple who sat at the stop sign ahead of me. I quickly decided to use the tree to stop myself….BAD decision! I had no idea how hard the impact would be! No airbag, just my breasts to break the blow from the steering wheel to my ribs, searing pain to my right knee which obviously slammed into something as well, and the hysterical screaming of some woman who mustve saw what happened. Wait, the screaming was coming from ME! It must be an automatic reaction to such trauma, because I had no control over it until I conscioiusly realized that It was me screaming. People from a church across the street rushed over to help me and called an ambulance. My life flashed before my face…OMG, my babies!!! How would they feel If I died? If this world was hard on me, then how much harder would it be on them…especially without me to protect and guide them??? I cannot die!! I have to live!!! OMG I have to live! that night, when Id been released from the hospital with a couple of cracked ribs, black and blue breasts, and a trick-knee that will never be the same again, I thanked God for my life, regardless of how suckey it was at the moment. I realized how selfish I’d been. I knew at that moment that I had to shake myself out of the trance that I’d been in, and get better so that I could make a better life for my children. I knew the only way out was to trust something bigger than myself to reach down into that hole and lift me out. I knew that I could do this myself…I needed God to be real!….I held my hand out in the darkness, trusting that If there was a higher being in whose Image I am made, who loves me…he or she would find me and save me . The best thing someone could have told me at that time…was that me falling in the first place, was part of the path. I acknowledged my inability to help myself with God’s help. I surrendered all control to the one who made me in love. I asked for the means to provide for my precious children and just for the opportunity to make a better life for us. Almost immediately after I said that most heartfelt , tearful, humble prayer…doors began to open for me. I got like 3 job offers in one week, and I hadnt been able to get one in six months! I took the best paying one. Within 3 months, my children and I were moving into our own apartment. and step by step, over time, God replaced everything that I’d thought I’d lost. I know this feels like the end. U dont understand why this would be happening, but I assure U Karma, there is life after the fall. **Love&Light**
Karma, I too lost everything I had, also in my late 30’s. I too wanted 2 die. I was forced to move back into a 2 bedroom apartment with my two children and my mom and stepdad. All day every day, In the back of my mind, I would think “I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead, I wish I was dead…”. I existed, but I was not living. I went this way for 2 years. Because I allowed depression to take over, I continued losing things even after I moved in with my parents. eventually, I was broken down to nothing. not even welfare or foodstamps…nothing!…nothing but God, that is… I’d always had a strong relationship with God, and considered myself a good person, at a good place on my spiritual path, which is why I did’nt understand how this was happening in my life!…at this time, my faith had shrank down to the size of a mustard seed. But even a seed so small, was enough. I fell to my knees and Surrendered to God because everywhere I turned there were dark corners, and no open doors…I could not get a job, which had never been a problem in the past, and every form of assistance I applied for was flat out denied! I felt that I must’ve messed my life up so bad, that it was not fixable…I was trapped in a dark hole…and I wanted to die. I decided to go back to school while I figured out my next move. I existed, but Inside I was dead. One day on the way to class, the breaks in my car completely went out, and I was forced to hit a tree, head on, to avoid slamming into the back of an unsuspecting elderly couple who sat at the stop sign ahead of me. I quickly decided to use the tree to stop myself….BAD decision! I had no idea how hard the impact would be! No airbag, just my breasts to break the blow from the steering wheel to my ribs, searing pain to my right knee which obviously slammed into something as well, and the hysterical screaming of some woman who mustve saw what happened. Wait, the screaming was coming from ME! It must be an automatic reaction to such trauma, because I had no control over it until I conscioiusly realized that It was me screaming. People from a church across the street rushed over to help me and called an ambulance. My life flashed before my face…OMG, my babies!!! How would they feel If I died? If this world was hard on me, then how much harder would it be on them…especially without me to protect and guide them??? I cannot die!! I have to live!!! OMG I have to live! that night, when Id been released from the hospital with a couple of cracked ribs, black and blue breasts, and a trick-knee that will never be the same again, I thanked God for my life, regardless of how suckey it was at the moment. I realized how selfish I’d been. I knew at that moment that I had to shake myself out of the trance that I’d been in, and get better so that I could make a better life for my children. I knew the only way out was to trust something bigger than myself to reach down into that hole and lift me out. I knew that I could do this myself…I needed God to be real!….I held my hand out in the darkness, trusting that If there was a higher being in whose Image I am made, who loves me…he or she would find me and save me . The best thing someone could have told me at that time…was that me falling in the first place, was part of the path. I acknowledged my inability to help myself with God’s help. I surrendered all control to the one who made me in love. I asked for the means to provide for my precious children and just for the opportunity to make a better life for us. Almost immediately after I said that most heartfelt , tearful, humble prayer…doors began to open for me. I got like 3 job offers in one week, and I hadnt been able to get one in six months! I took the best paying one. Within 3 months, my children and I were moving into our own apartment. and step by step, over time, God replaced everything that I’d thought I’d lost. I know this feels like the end. U dont understand why this would be happening, but I assure U Karma, there is life after the fall.
I will never speak to her again. I am fortunate that I found a job, but its for far less money in a more expensive place to live where I really dont want to be. I start working again in a week and a half. That should help, but the feeling of what i lost is overwhelming. I know it could be worse, but like I said, im not a depressive person. This is situational and and I have never been this upset about anything
Living is living, work your way back up. No one can play jenga without knocking the tower over at some point. I hope you can bounce back.
and i hope your doggies are all right! 🙂