It’s raining harder than I’ve seen in 15 years. I’m sitting in my car facing the boat launch typing this on my phone. My stupid fucking phone that’s responsible for all the hell I’ve suffered  for 2 years. But we’ll get to that later.
Or maybe not… The engine is running, and I have it in gear with my left foot holding the clutch down. As soon as I release it, the engine wil engage, and 120 horses will drag me over that launch and into the waters of whatever-the-hell river this is. My foot is getting tired…
I took 8 sleeping pills which is more than enough toknock out a skinny guy like me. Skinny because I haven’t eaten in 9 days. At least I know I won’t shit my pants when Ifair, like they say. How unglamorous…
What a nice view it is from here. The waters are lashing the foundation of some pretty bridge with arches that seem to stretch into infinity. The violence and the majesty of it all is calming to me.my left leg is cramping.. I’m so tired of holding down the clutch.. Holding down my life  all these years against a raging, inevitable fate…goodnight sweet prince…. 120 horses sing thee to thy sleep
7 comments
You are not alone, I am not telling you to not kill your self or to do so but please know things will get better they don’t seem like they will. Things will turn around in your life. If you ever need to talk please email me at anytime: natanjimzy@gmail.com you do not have to end your there are people who love you.
It’s really strange reading this, because usually when you read a comment on a website you just imagine someone sitting in front of their computer at home, but you may not even be alive right now to read this. : ( i hope your foot didn’t get tierd. Reply back okay?
never really expected to see a post in this situation…the though of you not being alive anymore, really sad 🙁 ..reply back k?
rip
Rip ;(
rip <3
hope the other side is a better place and that you found what you where looking for
RIP