I’m terrified. And I feel completely alone.
I have not hurt myself since January and I have been on the right path not to, but I somehow can’t seem to hold it together lately. My anxiety has increased. My insomnia has increased. Even my fucking smoking has increased. Chainsmoking. Bad. But I use all of these things – my nerves, my lack of sleep, my bad habits – as scapegoats to escape what’s really bothering me. And the thing is, I think I know what’s bothering me but I’d rather not even say it out loud or even think about it, so I store it somewhere deep down in the back corner of my mind until it makes me so fucking sad I can’t hold it together and I’m right there, right on the brink of doing it again, fucking everything up. For myself and for my body and for my life.
I don’t want it to happen that way. I really don’t it’s just that I’m sad. I’m deeply sad. I’m a fucking miserable trainwreck. It’s not the kind of thing where you get over it or “sleep on it” either. It’s the kind of sadness where you’re all alone, and there’s darkness all around you, and no matter how loud you scream it doesn’t matter because there’s nobody around to hear you anyway. So you feel like dying.
I just wish I had somebody to talk to.
3 comments
I know what ur talking about, train wreck doesnt even come close to the terminology for me, my smoking,stress ect has increased to the poit i need to suicide, but im a im to cowerdly like to hang on a rope until i black out, i came close but im researching other ways… and about smoking, i smoke two packs a day, i used to smoke a half..but shit hit the fan, i tryed heroin for the first time the other dat(snorting) and i really enjoyed it, i was numb… anyway havent tryed it again yet… im 26 an already lived most of my dreams, ifnot all..and i have nothing left so dieing is my way out, some say its really selfish even more when u had everything in life u evrr wanted, and when thats gone kill yourself, it maybe that way, but im a selfish person and i see no way to live like this, i dream of only suicide now!
Gay boy. get over it.
You can talk to us, And if you think you have an idea of whats at the root of all the anxiety and bad feelings, that’d be a good place to start if you’re looking for a way to overcome what you’re feeling. You don’t have to go back to hurting yourself, be proud that you’ve gone without doing it, and know that you have it in you to live without it.