I am so ready to stop, but I keep going. Driving to visit my Uncle dying of cancer yesterday, I wished he could die peacefully instead of wasting away in a place where he is barely living. I know that my brain is sick, my medication is enough to keep me level, but not enough to keep thoughts of suicide away.
I want to get away from my family’s problems, everyone needing me when they don’t realize I just can’t take their problems anymore. But I care too much. I feel guilty for wishing no one would call me again with any of their needs. 🙁 It feels selfish but it brings me down. How do I tell my fam member who has suffered a debilitating blindness that I am annoyed to be the one she leans on when she has 5 siblings AND she caused it by not eating right or following her doctors orders for YEARS!
I feel like I am two people, the helpful, happy, loving woman people describe me as and the woman falling apart at the seams, doing patch jobs and trying to convince herself not to die.
2 comments
There’s a piece over here about a guy who went through the same and pulled through – http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/the-internet-is-telling-people-how-to-kill-themselves
I appreciate the link, but I have learned not to click on links I am not familiar with. Maybe you could cut and paste the helpful part in the comments. Thanks